THE GARDEN OF SUFFERING
As Catholics, when we recieve the Eucharist, it is supposed to be with a solemn rememberance of the sacrifice God the Father and God the Son made on behalf of ourselves and the world. That being said, one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is joy. Now, coming from a protestant background, and converting to Catholicsm, I can't remember anyone telling me that I am not supposed to show joy in what God did for me, when I recieve the Holy Communion. So, the first time I went forward to recieve the Blessed Sacrement, I felt a little bit like that crazy guy in Full Metal Jacket (the movie), who could not stop grinning, even with the drill instructor was screaming in his face. I also was trying as hard as I could to look all sad and depressed and for the life of me, I know I had a look of joy on my face, because my drill instructor, I mean my Priest, was giving me a look... You know, the look that only a pissed off priest can give you? Now, I was new at this Parish, and had only met this priest once before, but I would later discover that this look of being disguted and pissed off at everyone, was pretty much the normal look of our priest. As I said, I came from a protestant background, in fact, I was an ordained Baptist minister in my previous life, and so showing the joy of the Lord was sort of a normal everyday thang if you know what I mean.
So there I was, standing in line, crippled but using a walker, in pain, discerning God's presence... stop right there! God's presence. I'm sorry, I know that recieving the Host is supposed to be a most solemn affair, but I just can't help but reflect joy whenever God is in my presence. Go ahead, lable me a blasphemor, a heritic, burn me at the stake, after ex-communicating me of course. Maybe you could throw in a little disembowelment just for kicks? Anyway, ever since I had the unmittedgated guall to show the joy of the Lord after recieving the Lord spiritually, and becoming one with Him, His Mother, and the saints and angels as well? Shoot, I was in hog heaven as we say in the South. I was steppin in high cotton! So, to all my Catholic brothers and sisters out there, was I wrong in feeling and acting this way? Am I supposed to hide or supress the joy of the Lord when it overtakes my soul? If so, where in the whole world is it written to do so?
I have since changed my Parish, and belong to one with a much nicer, and happier Priest. One who actually shows the virtue of joy in the Lord. And what a difference it has made. Now, I know that when we look at the sacrifice of Christ on the cross, it is no laughing matter. I do realize the seriousness of His sacrifice and pain. As a crippled man, I know a little about pain. But when Jesus rose in His resurrected body, He had overcome such things as pain and suffering, or anger and depression, or even death. He overcame those things so that we no longer have to experience them. I am in pain, but when I offer it to God, His grace helps me endure. I still get angry and depressed, but when I offer it up to God, His grace uplifts and amuses me. Not because I think it's dumb or anything, it amuses me because Jesus is not a strict, serious God. He can be if needed, but to me, He is my best friend who makes me laugh when I am sad, and picks me up when I am depressed. He brings me joy, because I can sort of see Him sticking His tongue out at that- I'm so serious and mean priest of His, and telling Him, "Lighten up dude, it's all going to be ok." So, if I come around your Parish one day, and I'm hanging around admiring all the beautiful artwork and just contemplating the Lord, please don't get angry at me if you detect a countenance of joy upon my face. God Bless you all.