Beyond Judgement: Welcoming Those Who Stay Away

We sometimes ask, a little frustrated: “Why don’t they come to Mass anymore?”
And we think the answers are obvious:
“They’re lazy.”
“They don’t care.”
“They don’t believe.”

But sometimes, it’s not so simple.

My mother was afraid to go to Mass.
Not because she didn’t love God, but because her Parkinson’s tremors made her self-conscious. She worried people would stare, whisper, or judge. So she stayed home most Sundays, even though her faith was strong.

On feast days, she’d gather all her courage and go. She cherished Communion. But eventually, even receiving it at home became difficult. One day, someone told our priest she went out “for fun” but not to church. What they didn’t see was that I took her for short rides, just so she wouldn’t feel trapped at home. That small joy was all she had.

After that, the priest stopped coming to give her Communion. She was heartbroken.

She didn’t stop coming because she didn’t care. She stopped because she felt seen in all the wrong ways. Judged, not welcomed.

That memory has stayed with me.

Because not everyone who stays away has lost faith.
Sometimes they’re overwhelmed. Sick. Ashamed. Grieving. Depressed. Or just feeling unwelcome.

Faith is like tending a garden.
When a plant doesn’t grow, we don’t throw it away.
We look for what’s blocking the light or choking its roots.
We remove the obstacles. We nourish the soil.
Shouldn’t we do the same for those struggling to come?

Can we listen without dismissing?
Can we make it easier for them to return?
Can we remember we don’t know the whole story?

If the Church is a family, let’s act like one.

We can’t always fix it.
But we can choose to be kinder.
We can stop assuming the worst.
We can ask: “What would make them feel like they belong again?”

Church was never meant to be a courtroom.
It was meant to be a refuge.
A home for sinners.
A hospital for the hurting.
A family for the lonely.

If Christ left the ninety-nine to find the one, then maybe we can step outside our pews to do the same.

Because the real test of our faith isn’t just how often we’re in church—
It’s whether we help others find their way back home.

Let’s be the Church that clears the path for someone’s return—not the wall that keeps them away.