Did Jesus Say We're to Be At Odds with Our Families?

Today’s Gospel seems to suggest that Jesus came not to bring peace to our families but rather division. What does Jesus mean by this? Are we supposed to be at odds with our family members?  Here’s what I think it means.

One thing that’s become abundantly clear in my adulthood is that at times, what I believe is God’s will for me after much prayer and discernment, is at odds with what my family seems to want for me or what they believe I should be doing. There is something about God’s will, at times, that is uncomfortable for our families. If our families aren’t religious or faithful, it can also add a further layer of division because they often can’t understand the “why” behind particular choices that align to the Gospel and our Catholic faith.

Sometimes that can derail us, especially if we want to please our families. We can spend a lot of time agonizing over how they’ll react to a decision or choice. We may delay it, question it, or not even move in the direction if they make it too undesirable. The truth is that we have to be firm, strong, and steadfast in our discipleship decisions and hopefully our families will get onboard eventually.

Another way that this division can manifest is the common norm that family is the number one priority. Jesus makes it abundantly clear that the will of God is our number one priority and our relationship with God must take priority above all else – including our families. But do we really live like that? So often, our priorities are building our families, taking care of our families, entertaining our families, and perpetuating our families as life unfolds. Are we really living in this order of prioritization? And if we try to live this way, does our family resist and then does division arise? Do we care more about children and grandchildren and their success in life, than about them actually following the will of God, finding their vocation, and living the Gospel?

So no, Jesus doesn’t necessarily want division in our families, but He’s telling us today that division can happen on the road to discipleship when His will is at odds with what our families desire of us and when we try to put God before our family.