I Prayed, but………….

I listen for God’s voice in answer to my prayers.  God allows good things to happen…..right?  But is what I want a good thing?  Or have I just convinced myself that it is good because it is what I want, and my desire is getting in the way of God’s Will?  I wish I knew if I am hearing God’s voice or my own thoughts.

Rationalization

Lately, I’ve been praying for something….something I’ve rationalized as a blessed opportunity for me, a friend and others.  I waited for God’s voice as to whether it was His Will or not.  I may have heard His voice in the form of a friend.  Given who the friend is, it’s likely I got an answer to my prayer.  Unfortunately, it was not what I was praying for.

I suppose time will tell.

God knows best

I do believe that God answers our prayers.  The challenge is when and how to listen for the answer.  Expecting that “James Earl Jones” voice from God telling me what I should or shouldn’t expect, would likely set me up for disappointment.  I think I’ve been a good person, I love God, my faith is genuine, I am kind to those around me….so, why was my heart broken with the answer?  I know God knows what is best for me.  In my prayers, I take time, and I mean a lot of time, talking to Him about why I wanted Him to grant my prayer.  There’s nothing wrong with talking to God.  As a matter of fact, I am pretty sure he expects us to talk with Him on a regular basis.  It’s not that God doesn’t listen to my prayers.  Of course, he does.  But he knows me better than I know myself, and he knows what is best.

Knowing my heart as He does, He knows that my acceptance of His Will was difficult and He also knows that my desire is so strong that giving up on hoping for a miracle isn’t out of the realm of possibility.  If “no” remains the answer, I will have to count on Him to comfort me through my disappointment.

Was the answer a punishment?

For some time, I believed I was being punished for my sins of the past.  And that if I had just been a better person, perhaps I would have been blessed with my prayer being granted.  But God is a God of mercy, love and forgiveness.  When I sought forgiveness for my sins, I felt his mercy.  I’ve wanted this for so long and prayed that God would bless me with that “thumbs up”.  However, in this case, His granting of my prayer was not as important as my keeping a friendship which I value more than anything.

It’s not like I can do 10 great things, bank those blessings and graces, and then cash them in on my prayer being answered.  So, as each day passes and I cry the tears of disappointment, I pray that God will strengthen me to accept it and heal my heart.  It is taking all my strength to accept what I can’t have.

The Holy Spirit to the Rescue

About four years ago, the Holy Spirit dropped into my life and changed it completely.  I am where I am today because of the Spirit’s intercession.  I continue to pray that the Holy Spirit allows me a two-fer and intercedes on my behalf one last time before I leave this earth and be with Jesus in heaven.  Time is no longer on my side.

I had stitched on a sweatshirt “I am living the blessings that used to be my prayers!”

Holy Spirit…Transform my life, one more time, and grant me this very special blessing in service to You, The Father and The Son.  Deepen the wisdom and courage of those who you work through to trust that Your Will be done.