Emotional infidelity and culpability of sin

Recently, I discovered I was the third party in a case of emotional infidelity.  Before you read this, please check out my previous article, herel Evil is still a choice, and please check out my latest episode on Locals; Coffee and Christianity: Episode 99: Sorrow will turn to joy

What is emotional infidelity?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  But We Are Just Friends: The Emotional Affair Explained.

What’s important to note is that I was an unwitting party to this.  And, I was a third party to this.

So, I am not against spouses having friends of the opposite sex.  SO LONG AS, the boundaries of what they can and cannot do are understood.

While, I’m going to refrain from saying her name for privacy reasons, but, pray for her, and for her repentance.  Anyway, I had a woman I’d been talking to since 2021, and has been married since 2023, and I found out only a few days ago.

It’s early September, 2025, as of me writing this.

This means, we had talked on the phone, and I was explicit with my romantic intent (even offered to make her food), and we had plans to meet up in my native Davenport, Iowa. 

Plans that will never happen, because, well, I found out she’s married.

And, again, I’m not against spouses having opposite sex friends.

But, here’s the thing.  She never told me about her husband.  And knew that I was romantically interested in her.

I was operating on the basis that she was available, romantically.  She was not, and I was never informed of that. 

Now, it’s easy to say “well, you should have asked”.  Let me ask you a question, if I was interested, then wouldn’t it be her job to tell me?  Also, it’s worth noting, that she didn’t tell me she was married.  Ever.

The only boyfriend she mentioned was an ex boyfriend, so, this means, she literally got married while talking to me, and never said a word about it. 

So, how do we tie this back to Christianity?  Because, one, lying is wrong (Exodus 20:16, John 8:44, Revelation 21:8), and so is coveting (Exodus 20:17, Deuteronomy 5:21).

And, so is adultery. 

“You shall not commit adultery” (Leviticus 20:10).  “Neither shall you commit adultery” (Leviticus 20:10)

“He who commits adultery has no sense; he who does it destroys himself.” (Proverbs 6:32).

So, while I am not against men having opposite sex friends (Jesus did, Luke 10:38-42), I think it’s important to know where you stand.

If she would have told me that she was married (and, keep in mind, she was literally talking to me two years before she got married, and never thought to tell me), I would have said things very differently.

So, what is my culpability in all of this? None.  I’m not responsible for someone else’s sin unless I compel them to sin (and yes, there are degrees of sin, John 19:11). 

This is her sin, and hers alone.  Pray for her repentance.  Pray for her husband.  And pray for me.

All Bible verses are from this, because I felt lazy and just looked them up, Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (RSVCE)

Adam Charles Hovey is the founder of the Catholicism, News, and Whatever community and is the host of the weekly Bible study, Coffee and Christianity