How many times have we anticipated going to somewhere---say to a new location---only to arrive and say, “this is it!!?” We look at what we had hoped was someplace going to be fantastic—only to find with great disappointment, much less than expected.
Recently I have arrived at a new destination on my life’s journey. I am NOT WORKING ANYMORE, and am on Medical Leave, probably permanently. Interestingly, I find myself being hit with many negative emotions and I am also exploding when triggers are pushed. Being home all the time, I am seeing all the time what we are dealing with as we age and get older.
Forgetfulness does a big number as you forget how many things your spouse does for you that are kind and loving. Yet you remember, because you see their faults all about you---you remember how many times we failed each other, disappointed each other in the course of the 45 years of marriage. You ask yourself—“why are memories of the past trying to rise again?” Guess this human did not truly forgive and forget---oh dear.
I married my husband, Lord, when You spoke to my heart---“this is the man you are to marry,” I have gotten angry at You God many times. Then when we were in counseling year 25, the revelation hit me—Was it God’s voice or my own inner wounded child who spoke those words, ‘this is the man’---for he totally is not like my dad? He is short and quiet---Dad is tall and loud.
It doesn’t matter now, for either way. Oh Lord, we were married and oh the lessons that came from this life! They were truly gifts, wisdom learned---and then there were children, grandchildren and now great grand children that were meant to be given to this world. You did good, God, You did good.
“This is IT?” can be a statement about looking at life and seeing our life negatively, thinking---- “That is all?” In everyone’s life---especially this past year—many are the voices exclaiming in disgust—“what—these are our options?” "This is it!?" Again—wisdom comes with seeing with eyes of faith.
We have the choice of also saying “THIS IS IT!” Very excited we can see that our life is God’s perfect plan for each individual. My life, and yours too, can be a journey with Jesus Christ our Lord—whose love is so complete and fulfilling all of our needs. Yes, I had to take up the cross, but in doing so, I see just how blessed I am constantly by His Presence in my life. Daily I see the miracles that occur when I see with eyes of faith and choose to have the attitude of gratitude. Daily God’s Promises are kept when His name is called upon in all times—as He reminds me to ‘rejoice always, in all things give thanks and to pray without ceasing—for this is His Will for me. This marriage, my life—‘THIS IS IT.’ This is His will for me!
It is only when I fail to rejoice, to give thanks in all that happens in my life and fail to pray---it is only then when I feel deeply, sadly----‘This is it?” Despairing and angry, I see what fear wants me to see. I see what resentment wants me to remember from the past. Yes, I even see with hate---hate for my mistakes, his mistakes and my human nature can paint a really miserable picture of what is and what was. I can get very disgusted with myself and my spouse but when I do, I go into the pits of misery and despair. Needing to be resurrected---my wonderful dear Friend Jesus sent this question three times to my heart in a melody---“Do you love Me? Do you love Me? Do you love Me?”
With deep remorse, like Peter, I remembered times of denying God. I am also reminded what Peter was told to do. “Feed my sheep, tend my lambs, and feed my sheep.” As our Lord said in a parable, ‘a servant does not ever expect to be waited on—he continues to serve until the day that His master returns, doing all that is expected of him/her. It is only when I choose to serve with resentment in my heart, that His peace disappears. But the moment that I choose to put love in my heart—His Presence is strong for “God is love and when I live in love, God lives in me.”
THIS IS IT ---this is what I want forever in my life---His Presence that only living in Love can bring on a moment by moment basis—THIS IS IT!! This is what God has wanted from the beginning of all life. His Love present always in our world—but we have to want this too! Want IT desperately enough that we are willing to surrender all our dreams to the Will of the Father, trusting in His wondrous mysterious ways and in His love for us. His Will, His plan for our life is so much better than any we can ever come up with—and He knows exactly how to make all things work together for our good. He keeps His promises—always. What an awesome God we serve!!!