I Am Just Franciscan

I Just Am Franciscan

            I struggled with starting to write this because I could not answer the question. I’ve been asked by a few why I am Franciscan. I don’t know. I just am. I must have been called, but I’m not aware of when or how. The entire time that I was pursuing formation, I was afraid that God would tell me that I really didn’t have a Franciscan vocation. But my formation director saw the Franciscan in me. How can I be so oblivious to something that is so right, so me? I am just plain Franciscan. It seems to be an integral part of me, so much so that I can’t pinpoint why or how. It just is.

I feel complete when I place my Tau Cross—my habit—over my head and around my neck every day. My ritual includes saying Francis’ prayer before the San Damiano cross as I put on my “habit.” The Crown Rosary is part of my elliptical routine.

            I am a concoction of Francis and Bonaventure. I thrive on the intellectual—on theology—as did Bonaventure. I also share much with Francis. I am a military veteran, as was he. I thrive on nature, at the wonder of God’s unfathomable love and power at creating such beauty and intricacy. As did Francis, I yearn for the people of Christ’s Church to return as one unity under His teachings. I dread the splits in His Church and the lack of accurate teaching that has led to heretical beliefs among too many in His Catholic flock, most horribly the unbelief in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist.

            Why am I Franciscan? Apparently only God has the answer to that. Perhaps it may be partly due to prayers and wishes of my mom. I am the eldest of eleven, and I am pretty sure that Mom had hoped for one priest or religious sister from among her children. In ninth grade, I wanted to enter the convent. My Mom wisely deferred that decision. But after ninth grade, the desire never resurfaced. Having a daughter who belongs to a lay order is the closest that she ever came to that dream, and she was not alive to see my profession. Dad was, and he was proud.

            So, I am Franciscan. I love living the charism and don’t envision a time when I will cease being committed to my Franciscan life. I love sharing our charism. I love my Father Francis and Mother Clare. I am their Franciscan child. I belong to their Franciscan family.

            My Franciscan spirit has also branched out to other areas. Not many know this, but several years ago, I chose to start veiling at Mass. No, I don’t wish to return to the Latin Mass in which I grew up, although I do see why some love it. But the theology behind wearing a veil in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament is so very beautiful. When I made my commitment to veil with Fr. Daily, my spiritual director at the time, among my several reasons for choosing to veil was that I could personally wear it as an addition to my Tau habit. At those time, when I wear the veil, to me it becomes part of my Franciscan habit. Apparently, I was never meant to take the veil of a religious sister, and only God knows why, though I do wonder at times.

So why am I Franciscan? I have no idea. I wish I could give more in depth insights into my professed life as a Secular Franciscan and why it means so much to me. But it is just my life. It is just a part of me that I can’t explain, which is quite disconcerting for a writer.

            I just am Franciscan—to the core. The charism is just an intimate part of me that remains a mystery. God just wanted me, and I guess I answered His very quiet, subdued call. I even love brown.

Peace and All Good

Pax et Bonum