Who Do You Trust?

Trust:  A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. The Oxford dictionary

"Trust in the Lord, for He is good; His mercy endures forever" Psalm 136:1

A lack of trust in God is one of my weaknesses, and it’s something I have struggled with my adult life. I look back on the difficulties I have faced in my life and survived with God’s help.  Yet I still worry when things get difficult, waiting for God to drop the other shoe which probably means anxiety and fear to follow.   Ten years ago I was diagnosed with cancer.  I was frightened and angry, and I cried out to God asking why?  During this journey I met wonderful people, cancer survivors who shared their own stories as well as doctors who offered practical as well as spiritual advice.  And I survived.  So why didn’t I learn from that experience, why do I still think I know better than God?  Could it be pride, with a little fear tossed in?  I guess I’m human after all!  My friend is a physician and has seen his share of suffering.  He reminded me that God lets bad things happen to people not to hurt or frighten us but to teach us see the positive as well as the negative in life’s difficulties.  I began to see that good as others shared their survival stories with me and when I quieted my mind, I began to feel the strength that God had given me to survive.   Maybe I was growing in my trust and faith in our Good God?  Towards the end of my cancer journey my friend, a cancer survivor herself, asked me what if God would make my entire cancer experience just disappear, like it never happened.  No cancer, no anxiety or fear, no realization that I will die someday.  Would I ask him to do so?  After some thought and to my surprise I realized that no, because I had survived and learned, and I did this with God’s help.  God my Abba, my Teacher, and my Friend was walking with me and teaching me. 

I still struggle with my trust issues, and I know there is no single answer.  Trust like everything that’s important in life isn’t a quick fix but a learning process individual to each of us.  It requires total surrender to God and to stop thinking I know what’s best for me (which I continue to do!)  God is almost daring me, “Let yourself fall, and I will catch you.  I Am here.”

So, I will continue with my baby steps and try to follow my plan.

1.    First and always reflect on God, how he has always been there for me, and keep reminding myself that he will continue to be there.

2.    Thank God every day for his friendship.  He is the Ever-True Friend, never rejecting, always present.

3.    Talk to God often, asking for his help and guidance. Quiet time before the Blessed Sacrament has created light bulb moments when the difficult becomes easier to navigate with God’s counsel.

4.    Be aware of those people God sends my way, as he talks to me through them.

5.    Be patient, particularly with myself.

6.    Let go, and let God, Abba knows best.