Big Fish, Little Fish Theory

My Dear Brother, I was driving home from Louisville tonight and felt compelled to pray for you. I do pray for you often but I’m not good at praying praying. I’m trying to improve the way I pray by getting away from praying my old way of, “Lord please blah blah blah,” and then it’s over but this time I put my whole heart and mind into my prayers for you. I was by myself and I had plenty of time. I prayed “God you know he really really needs a job. Things would be so much better for him if he had a job, a good job please and when he realizes how much his brothers and sisters all prayed for this to happen perhaps he’ll be moved to come back to You, to come back to The Church!” I continued, “I have unconditional trust in You and want to do Your will. Dear Lord, I’m trying not to make these specific petitions as I’m doing now. Please tell me, is it okay for me to ask this favor of You.” God told me it was okay. Since I received God’s okay I opened the floodgates. I said, “Lord, I want a job for him of course but what I really want is for him to fall deeply in love with You. I want him to be able to feel Your love. I want him to worship you beside me during Mass. So how about it? I know he still believes in You. He just needs to get past the bad times so he can concentrate on You again.”

God was silent. I was getting vibes that He was being Old Testament God. God of the Old Testament was sometimes harsh in measuring out with strict warnings and whoa be the consequences if one does not listen. A God not to be challenged. I felt I was being chastised. I said “please God remember Your love for my brother. You know how much I love You and yearn for You.” Then I felt a comforting wave of peace and joy I. I thought, “You’re not being Old Testament God after all.” I remembered that Old Testament God was also merciful and compassionate. God listened to Moses plea not to wipe out the Israelites when they worshipped idols. God relented and spared their lives. God forgave King David for his grievous sins knowing that David was still faithful and because David was full of sorrow for his sins and asked God for forgiveness. God let Job in Job’s great suffering challenge Him. Then God doubly blessed Job for not turning from God and not losing faith though God had given Job much misery.

I pondered all of this and sincerely prayed to God for my brother to return to Him. I told God again how much I love Him and trust Him. I remembered to thank God for all the blessings He’s given me and yes I remembered to thank God for you, my brother. I turned you completely over to God’s will.

A counselor once told me that often her patients get better in spite of the counseling they receive from her. I appreciated her honesty. I believe strongly in the power of prayer but you may have had your conversion in spite of my prayers. I’m ecstatic! What blessed happy news. Do you realize I think about you every time I see the stained glass windows in church? Even the saints in the stained glass windows remind me to pray for you.

I don’t know how many times in the past few weeks I thought about calling you but then something would come up and I’d get distracted. Later I’d remember that I had wanted to call you but then I was already in bed. I think Divine Intervention was at work. Perhaps God wanted me to stay out while you found your own way back to Him. God didn’t want me to jeopardize your conversion (my big fish little fish theory). God loves you so much! Now I remember that this was the sort of thing God was telling me on the way home tonight. Something like, “your brother needs to want this not because people are praying for him but because he knows the truth. I’m quite certain you and God worked your conversion out together. I’m so grateful to God for bringing you back.

I was thinking and praying for this on the way home from Louisville and when I got home, I received the good news from you. Before you called me I had decided that next time we talked I would tell you that we do not have to talk about God and Church this time but then you called and God and Church are all you wanted to talk about! I’m so excited and happy. I promise I won’t stop praying for you! How wonderful God is!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

I wrote this letter to my brother about 3 years ago. Neither of us remember what my Big Fish, Little Fish Theory was about but I wanted to leave it in the letter. I believe it’s significant. I know I received it in a dream. Maybe what it represents will come back to me.