Jesus wants me to be a true Christian.

In the past, I was not so generous. I was not generous with my time or resources, but with God’s grace, I’ve become more loving and more giving.

I grew up in a large family. My parents had ten children. My father was a housepainter. My mother stayed home to care for us. Money was tight, but it didn’t matter to me. My parents managed to meet all our needs and although I knew we didn’t have as much as some families, I never felt deprived.

When I got older and was on my own I managed my finances cautiously. This might be considered a virtue but it wasn’t. I didn’t appreciate the gifts God gave me as I should. I was not as generous as I should have been. My thinking was like this, “I know I’m obligated to give to the Church but what’s the minimum we can give? After all we’re raising a family” or later I would say, “We can’t afford to give too much. We need to save for retirement.” I was not living the life Jesus modeled for me. I was not living the gospel.

Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap. For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you.” Luke 6:3 It took me years and years to take this lesson from Luke’s gospel seriously. I see now that giving generously shows trust in God.

My husband and I are now more generous in giving to the Church, to foreign missions, to local help agencies, etc. Yet God reminds me that this isn’t enough. Now that I’m retired, God lets me know that he also wants me to serve him in other ways. Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go." — St Teresa of Calcutta

As Jesus drew me closer and closer to him with patient love, Jesus changed my way of thinking and pulled me into the heart of our parish slowly and patiently. First, Jesus drew me to himself by bringing me to Holy Mass. Jesus took me from going to Mass to fulfill my Sunday obligation; to attending Mass on the first Friday of the month; to going to Mass every Friday so I wouldn’t accidently miss the first Friday; to adding a few more weekday Masses; to going to daily Mass. And as my desire to be with Jesus and my love for Jesus grew, I developed a strong desire, a passion to speak to others about him. That’s when Jesus drew me even closer to him by pulling me into different church ministries, and just when I was almost content in serving my Lord, he called me again. This was a surprise. Out of the blue a parishioner called and asked me to speak to the Confirmation Class and Teen Life. She wanted me to give my testimonial. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to speak in front of teens, but I said yes.

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." Mark 10:45

I was a little nervous, but I asked the Holy Spirit to help me and my talk went well. The teens were polite and respectful. We laughed together. I thanked them for sharing their pizza with me. A few weeks later, I was called to speak again. The lesson was on the works of mercy and it was suggested that someone involved in prison ministry should speak. Having enjoyed my first visit, I was more willing this time. Again the talk went well. By now, the group of teens were feeling comfortable enough with me to laugh at me as I messed up on remembering their names. It was funny.

Now my story takes a strange twist as I let you into my head. After my talk, I asked, “Where’s the pizza?” “No pizza this week,” they answered, “but there are snacks in the break room!” I went to the break room. I saw a sign on a cabinet, “Teen Snacks.” I opened the cabinet and checked it out, junk, junk, junk!” I saw a jar of nuts and poured some on a napkin. I ate a few. Rancid! I thought, “These kids should have pizza every week! If there are not enough funds in the budget for pizza every week, surely my husband, Wayne, and I can help out with this.”

I very seldom buy pizza, and I never order one delivered, but on the way home I couldn’t get over wanting pizza, so I stopped at the gas station. When I do occasionally get a pizza, I get what I call ‘a gas station pizza’ because it comes with one or all toppings for the same price. You see, even though I’ve become generous with others, I’m still frugal otherwise. I ordered a pizza with all the toppings.

While waiting for it to bake, I walked around and looked at the drinks in the cooler. I never get a fountain drink because I don’t buy anything containing high fructose corn syrup. I had trouble finding something in the cooler that I wanted. I cringed at the idea of buying bottled water. Finally I saw a bottle of green tea that looked acceptable. The label said it was made with filtered water, green tea, natural flavors and cane sugar. There was no price. Some of the other drinks were labeled 2 for $5, etc. So I went to the register to talk to the girl, a young lady named Christine that I know from church. I told Christine I saw something I might want to buy, but there’s no price. She kind of laughed and told me a lot of stuff isn’t priced and offered to check for me. I told her never mind because it’s probably too expensive anyway. I asked Christine if people get upset when there’s no price. I asked if she is constantly being bothered to check a price for someone. She answered, “No! People just grab the stuff they want real fast, bring it up and pay for it. This was a strange new concept to me. I searched and searched a long time, but ended up not buying anything. I told Christine I could never buy something without knowing how much it cost first. Her eyes got big and then she laughed, thinking I was kidding.

We heard a ding. My pizza was done! I went home and shared it with Wayne.

I went to bed thinking about all this. I thought about the teens eating stale snacks. I thought about how I was so quick to want to help them yet I won’t buy a bottle of water or tea for myself. I was being unselfish. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I deny myself a lot. I had never thought of it this way. Smiling, I realized it was all okay. I always thought I was just cheap, and I am! Then I had this thought, “Because I’m cheap, I deny myself. Jesus tells us to deny ourselves. We’re supposed to make sacrifices, even little daily sacrifices.” Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. Matthew 16:24

I felt happy and content as I lay in bed, yet still a little confused how I could be cheap and generous at the same time. I closed my eyes and thought, “The less I waste money on things I don’t need, the more I’ll be able to give to others.” Did I become generous by denying myself? I asked Jesus, “What happened?” Jesus answered me, “I turned your thinking around!” Jesus wants me to be a true Christian.