When Your Spiritual Director Calls You "Daughter"
“This is the day which the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24).
Every new day is a new opportunity to grow in virtue, to grow in imitation of Christ, and to grow closer to Christ. For some of us this is the first day, for some of us we are starting over from a major misstep, and for some of us we are laying a new brick on this slow process of building a life of holiness.
The common thread in all of this is the grace of God. God is daily calling us to Himself, regardless of where we were yesterday.
Our latest chat explores this idea of “commencing anew,” taught by St. Francis de Sales. Learn with them how this commitment to begin or continue with God is a surrender of ourselves. Consider whether this surrender is a stripping of our free-will or a properly ordered use of it.
You will also learn how relying on the writing and the experience of the Saints is a greeted aid in this endeavor, how we can adapt in changing life circumstances, how we should never settle for comfort in the spiritual life, the importance of simplicity, and the ultimate importance of a relationship with the person of the Holy Spirit in all of this.
Join us for another lively and faith-filled discussion! Our moderator is a Daughter of the Visitation.
And consider joining our Living Jesus Chat Room of the Visitation Sisters. Each Sunday we read a passage of St. Francis de Sales and then gather great insights and sharing.
Sherry: Before we start, does anyone want to share what they like about St. Francis de Sales or his writings generally? For me, I like his kind heart and his extreme tenderness—or gentleness—towards others. I also like how seriously he takes the well-being of a soul.
Caroline: I like how clear his writing is.
Cindy: He is so nurturing, compassionate, forgiving—a reflection of our Lord.
Sherry: Yes, nurturing and compassionate is something I can also see.
Sherry: Caroline, as for "clear writing," I actually find it hard sometimes to get my brain around his flowery sentences. Even in this newsletter, there were some passages where I thought, "Is there even a verb coming soon?"
Cindy: AND, as you say, speaking Truth quite seriously, as well as gently.
Sherry: And the combination of being committed to truth but also to gentleness makes him this perfect Spiritual Director, I find.
Cindy: Yes!
Sherry: But, Caroline, I am glad to hear that others find his writings clear. It might be just me, and in all fairness, English is my second language. OK then, let's start with our questions for the day. Good? Here is our first one.
Question: What does it mean to commence anew? Are we supposed to start over each time?
Caroline: I think it's best to use simpler vocabulary and structure when teaching.
Sherry: This refers to practicing virtues or pursuing holiness. So, are we supposed to start over each time?
Caroline: Sometimes we do start over, but I think it's more of a "pick up where we left off."
Sherry: That's a good point, Caroline. The question that comes to my mind is: what is the alternative?
Sydney: Or pursuing another virtue each day.
Cindy: I think he encourages us to "start anew" in each present moment, picking up where we left off, perhaps, except in the moment, place, and condition or state we find ourselves.
Sherry: There is something about this "holy perseverance."
Sydney: Starting with fresh eyes from the day or moment before. Reflecting on what we learned and how we can apply it to the next moment.
Sherry: I like this. Sounds wholesome and doable.
Cindy: ...As opposed to dwelling on how we may have failed in previous attempts at virtue.
Sherry: Which can really paralyze us, Cindy.
Kieley: And it does!
Cindy: Yes...hence, my pregnant absence here, despite my heart yearning to be here all the while.
Sherry: Pregnant, Cindy? May I ask, are you actually having the privilege right now to carry a baby?
Cindy: No, no. I chose a poor colloquialism.
Sherry: LOL, all good, Cindy. I think I understand what you meant, just wanted to be sure. We might have a good resolution here for our next week. Intentionally to live in the NOW and restrain from picking in details from the past...unless you prepare for confession, of course.
Cindy: Indeed!
Caroline: Because there is no past or future, we exist in the present moment. It is not good to continually re-create bad moments.
Sherry: It can be very detrimental to spiritual growth when we constantly keep stirring up bad memories.
Kieley: Amen, Sherry. Working on that.
Sherry: So the next question invites us to think a little deeper.
Question: How is it that once we die and (God willing) enter Heaven that we no longer need to pursue perfection? Why can't God do this for us on this side of Heaven?
Kieley: He doesn’t interfere with free will.
Sherry: Very good point.
Caroline: To be with Him forever requires surrender on our part and a battle to control free will.
Sherry: So does he "interfere with our free will" in heaven? Or do we give up our free will in heaven?
Sydney: We have to prepare ourselves to be in heaven. Heaven is perfection.
Sherry: You ladies know too much.
Sydney: Are you saying that in a mob boss sort of way, Sherry?
Sherry: Oh Sydney, Sister Dolores comes out in you.
Kieley: I hope He has my free will now and in heaven...I gave it to Him.
Caroline: I think we have the grace to fulfill His will there always—because that's what we chose.
Sherry: Right, Caroline, that sums it probably up.
Sherry: And, Kieley, you too. We have chosen heaven, therefore God is now finishing this choice in heaven.
Cindy: Not sure how to articulate this, but love is only possible with choice. And He wants us to really know the fullness of His Love, so we must choose and "enter the dance" of becoming one with Him.
Sherry: Beautiful, Cindy. Oh, to be one with Him.
Kieley: Awesomely said, Cindy. Isn’t He sooooooo cooooool! Love Him sooooo much! Here comes the peace.
Sherry: Ladies, I can see that you all know the answers deep in your heart. Let's move on to our next question.
Sherry: St. Francis talks about the letter's recipient as having a change in their life situation. It could have been a new job, new home, or new responsibilities. How does that apply to times when we get a promotion, upgrade our homes, or improve our life situation? In what ways do new surroundings or roles test our humility and simplicity?
Caroline: Many are tempted to think they themselves brought about the change. But with greater gifts come greater responsibilities.
Sherry: Can you explain a bit, Caroline, please?
Caroline: Some say they got the promotion, etc., because they deserve it, they work harder, they didn't accept help, etc.
Sherry: I think I understand now, Caroline, thanks.
Kieley: We need to give all the credit to Him.
Sherry: As for new surroundings and change, I find that new surroundings always uproot me from my spiritual disciplines. So annoying, that a spiritual routine is so easily derailed, well, at least for me.
Sydney: With new and better sometimes comes pride.
Sherry: Yes, that is a great temptation, absolutely.
Sherry: It seems we always have to "re-adjust" ourselves when something changes, good or bad.
Cindy: It is easy to get distracted by whatever is "new."
Sherry: And with that "re-adjustments"—new adjustments in our spiritual world are also required, I find.
Rebecca: Even just rearranged a bit.
Caroline: We must stay closer to Him than before.
Kieley: Caroline, I like that.
Sherry: What can help us so that we are not so easily "derailed" by changes?
Kieley: To practice giving Him constant praise.
Rebecca: I thought I had signed in, but when I commented, it told me my name had to be shorter! It was taking my comment as my name.
Sherry: Praise is very strengthening and also good to keep the enemy away.
Cindy: Focusing on the basics: prioritizing Sacramental life, silence, and simplicity.
Sherry: And may I add, maybe humility?
Caroline: And rely on His strength for the new things.
Sherry: St. Francis writes in this letter: be a brief and exact observer of simplicity; self-love dazzles us.
Cindy: Amen!
Sherry: Interesting. I just learned recently that simplicity is for St. Francis de Sales not so much a "not-complex" lifestyle, but rather a genuine way of showing up. Like being simple in being ONE person, not several masks.
Rebecca: In an odd sort of way, I found spending every third week in the hospital for a half year spiritually a good discipline.
Caroline: A mini retreat, Rebecca.
Sherry: I think, Rebecca, that this was an amazing grace of God, that He enriched your treatments with such spiritual significance.
Cindy: Yes, Sherry. We all have many "parts" of ourselves, often competing. I see simplicity as our "core self" operating in a "what you see is what you get" sort of way. It's about authenticity AND choosing to relinquish voluntary distractions, so as to focus on Love of God in all we say and do.
Cindy: Rebecca, do you mean that you made it like a spiritual retreat?
Rebecca: My main “structure” to my prayer life was the Divine Office with the help of the app.
Rebecca: Maybe it was partly the total submission necessary. Having control over virtually nothing.
Sherry: I really think God has overshadowed this difficult time for you, Rebecca, with Himself, and you beautifully responded.
Cindy: I've been working with a Catholic mentor whose work is, in part, based on Internal Family Systems. I wonder if that is the same as the parts work you are referring to?
Sherry: And Cindy, do you know the "parts theory" in psychology by any means?
Sherry: Exactly, Cindy. I meant IFS.
Sherry: St. Francis talks very seriously about the meticulous amount of work needed to improve our souls. Yet, in our age, we tend to take things very casually. Our comforts have almost made us lackadaisical. How do we fight/push against this?
Rebecca: I dunno. I really could not focus and rarely had even the possibility of the sacraments.
Sherry: Hands up, who has heard the word "lackadaisical" before this Newsletter?
Sydney: Me. And, please, don’t shoot.
Sherry: Really? Wow.
Sherry: LOL, no shooting intended, Sydney, although you know "a lot," wink-wink.
Caroline: Me!
Sherry: OK, so I just do not know too many adjectives, I guess.
Sydney: Lol.
Rebecca: "Lack of days ago" was a familiar term to me before this. Siri! Lackadaisical!
Kieley: I think the beginning of improving our soul starts with improving our thoughts. Correct?
Sherry: Our mind and our will to love are definitely connected, Kieley. We cannot always say that improving our thoughts is the beginning of the improvement of our soul because sometimes God initiates this process.
Kieley: Awesome. Thanks, Sherry.
Caroline: Prayer with the intention of letting God transform us.
Sherry: Beautiful, yes.
Sherry: The key word I think is "intention." I think once we really "mean it," God is always helping us in the growth of our perfection. What is helpful on the road to holiness, you think, ladies?
Sydney: We have to also ask ourselves if there are some comforts we are willing to give up.
Cindy: Rebecca, it's so beautiful to hear how you experience the fruit of responding to the Graces our Lord gives in challenging times.
Caroline: I think prayer, spiritual reading that guides me, a director.
Rebecca: I like that, Caroline.
Sally: Keep praying.
Rebecca: Prayer with the intention of letting God transform us.
Kieley: A good Spiritual Director and spending more time with our Lord.
Sherry: Yes, yes, and yes. I find that good and consequent spiritual reading is highly underrated.
Cindy: And praying the Divine Office puts you right in the midst of the Communion of Saints! A very worthy use of technology, if an app helped.
Sherry: And I am glad you all agree that a Spiritual Director is important. We need someone who is able to "correct our souls."
Sally: Lives of the Saints help.
Sherry: Do you mean the book, Sally, or an app?
Sally: I read the printed books.
Sherry: Biographies of Saints had a big impact on me. Always recommend. Which biography of a Saint do you recommend to others? Just curious.
Sydney: Speaking of saints, Sherry, what is the author of the St. Jane de Chantal biography that you like? I had it open and accidentally closed it.
Sherry: There is a Salesian bookstore online, it is called "embraced by God."
Sherry: My favorite biography of St. Jane de Chantal is from ELISABETH STOPP.
Sally: St. Theresa of L., St. John Bosco who had St. Francis de Sales as his model.
Sydney: Thank you! St. Catherine Laboure’s devotion to Mary is inspiring.
Sherry: Sally, I was surprised how much I liked St. T. of Lisieux's biography, "Story of a Soul." In its simplicity, it has such spiritual depth.
Sally: Yes, and she's a Doctor of the Church.
Rebecca: That is, Sherry, probably why the little Theresa is a doctor of the Church.
Sherry: There is a biography from St. John Paul II from Lighthouse (Augustine Institute). It had a tremendous effect on me too.
Caroline: And St. Faustina Kowalska.
Sherry: Did you read the biography or the diary, Caroline?
Caroline: The whole diary.
Sydney: The best stories of saints are those who had a major conversion.
Rebecca: Please pray that I find a spiritual director. It is ten years since Sr. Charlotte died.
Caroline: I will, Rebecca.
Kieley: Rebecca, you can look up on your archdiocese website. That’s how a friend of mine found my spiritual director.
Sherry: Thanks, ladies, for allowing a little in-between question. Was just curious. The next question we might have answered already a little bit, but let's look at it.
Sherry: What is so valuable about simplicity?
Kieley: I think simplicity keeps us focused on Him, versus the world.
Sherry: Absolutely true, simplicity truly allows us to see Him clearer. I totally agree.
Cindy: SO important.
Sydney: Simplicity removes the unnecessary from everything and puts everything back to its most pure form.
Sherry: Beautifully said, Sydney.
Sherry: Let me ask you another question: how do you know if someone lives a life of simplicity? What are markers for it?
Sally: Simplicity is in the core of us all, I think. Worldly concerns and interests complicate it. When we act, speak, think simply, people understand us better. God probably appreciates the absence of frills.
Caroline: Say yes when you mean yes, no when you mean no.
Cindy: Peace of heart.
Sherry: I love all your answers, Sisters, they are great.
Sally: Dress, their interests, their speech?
Kieley: Modestly dressed, interested in Him, and speaks in truth.
Sherry: Yes, Sally, and I find it interesting that you mention "speech" too. A simple language does not mean boring or uneducated.
Cindy: Rebecca, you must miss her very much. I will pray for you to find a good spiritual director daily this week.
Sherry: I also find that people who live simply are often on time.
Sherry: Probably because they are not distracted by too many things.
Sydney: They aren’t bothered by the pettiness of everyday life.
Cindy: Absence of "racing here or there."
Sherry: Yes, in other words, maybe a divided heart.
Sally: Loose lips sink ships.
Sherry: Say that 10 times, Sally.
Caroline: So much of our sin comes from an uncontrolled tongue.
Sherry: So interesting that you say this, Caroline. I have been thinking for a while now if I should do a virtue month on "controlling the tongue." I really need it, I think.
Sherry: I just saw that our time is already over. Let's have the last question, though, OK?
Sherry: How can a devotion/relationship specifically with the Holy Spirit help us in our pursuit of virtue and holiness?
Sally: It will take me a long time.
Sherry: I think the Spirit gives us the desire and the boldness to pursue holiness.
Caroline: The Holy Spirit is our advocate with the Father.
Sydney: He can provide us with the immediate guidance we might need when a priest or SD is not available.
Sherry: I agree, Sydney, the fastest available Spiritual Director for sure. The Holy Spirit can also fine-tune our attention where grace is flowing on our journey to perfection.
Cindy: It is the Holy Spirit who moves our hearts, prompts us, so the closer a relationship we have, the more likely we are to recognize His prompts and respond.
Sally: It is by the Holy Spirit and through Mary we receive the Gifts and graces we need in the pursuit of holiness. Yes and yes. It can help us because in devotion we are always asking for His Gifts and graces.
Sherry: Speaking about the Holy Spirit and gifts, have you all had a chance to do a test on your Spiritual Gifts or Charisms?
Cindy: No.
Kieley: No.
Caroline: Oh, a long time ago.
Cindy: What sort of test?
Sherry: Oh, Cindy, I highly recommend that.
Rebecca: Oh my! On time! I rarely am. And even when I plan on being a half hour or an hour early!
Sydney: Is there a link for an online one?
Cindy: Is there a book?
Sherry: I usually use the Catherine of Siena Institute. I teach this program in churches. But recently there is a new ministry which is cheaper, "called MANY PARTS"—and you can do a test for 10 dollars, mind you, no course attached with these 10 dollars.
Kieley: Thanks, Sherry.
Sherry: The book from Sherry Weddell on the Charisms (spiritual gifts) is still one of the best books, I find. You can buy it on the website of the Catherine of Siena Institute, or you can buy the book or the audio version on Amazon.
Cindy: Thanks, Sherry, will look into it.
Kieley: ...and EVERYBODY for tonight. Learning on a deeper level. ??
Sherry: Maybe we can dedicate one chat on this topic. It is truly interesting to see how God has placed each of us in the Body of Christ here on Earth, also good to interpret our vocational calling, I find.
Cindy: Sounds good.
Sherry: OK, ladies, looks like you are ready to depart for today. Thanks for coming on the chat, and, Cindy, please do come back.
Sherry: And, Sally, too, of course.
Sherry: All the other ones, I truly hope that you also keep coming back. As you know, Sunday night is my special highlight of the week!
Sally: Thank you and have a good evening to All.
Sydney: Good night, everyone! Have a blessed week. Sherry, if you have time to chat this week, let me know!
Cindy: Thank you all for being here! Will look forward to next week.
Caroline: Yes! Welcome all our new members!
Caroline: God bless us every one.
Sherry: And, Rebecca, I keep your request about a Spiritual Director in my prayers. Would love for you to have someone who holds your soul.
Rebecca: Thank you, Sherry, for leading this. I don't know how you manage! And everyone. It is edifying to read your comments, even when I am always “on the wrong page.”
If you enjoyed this article, why not join us at our Living Jesus Chat Room of the Visitation Sisters. Join us at 7:30 p.m. ET each Sunday! We read a passage of St. Francis de Sales and then gather great insights and sharing!