Rehumanizing Thanksgiving Dinner: How and What to Say to Someone Who is Against Church Teachings

Recently, Lauren Pope, Executive Director of Rehuamnzie International, shared a post on what to do when encountering friends or loved ones with different opinions than yours when it comes to Thanksgiving dinner. Pope offers some good insight and suggestions on how to keep the conversation civil. Be sure to visit rehumanizeintl.org

Start with Common Ground
 
 
You and Uncle Paul might disagree on literally everything politically (although I would challenge this; you probably have a few shared premises that you can build on), but you probably agree on the damage that Brian Kelly did to the LSU football program. The advice here isn’t to avoid politics altogether, but rather to start with some friendly topics that won’t trigger any immediate arguments.
 
 
If things turn political, take a stance of curiosity, not interrogation
 
Our political ideologies don’t form in a vacuum. They’re created from our experiences, hopes, and fears. None of us holds views that neatly match the stereotypes that the media portrays. Instead of escalating with a barbed “how could you believe THAT?” try “I’d like to understand your position, could you explain why you feel that way?”
 
Find the shared value underneath the disagreement
 
Chances are, you and your (card-carrying) socialist cousin both care about helping people who are struggling; you just disagree on how to do it. Your pro-life aunt and your pro-choice sister both care about women's wellbeing; they have different ideas about what protects it. When you can name that shared concern, the conversation shifts from "you're a monster" to "we care about the same thing and see different solutions."
 
You don't have to have all the answers
 
"I don't know" is a completely valid response. You're allowed to say "That's a good question, I haven't thought about that angle" or "I'm still working through what I think about that." Admitting uncertainty keeps everyone involved from turning into mindless talking heads. You don’t HAVE to have a stance on every topic. 
  
Set boundaries without dehumanizing
 
 
It's completely fine to say "I'd rather not get into this right now" or "Can we table this conversation?" You don't owe anyone a debate over mashed potatoes. But there's a difference between "I don't want to talk about this" and "You're too ignorant to have this conversation with."
 
 
Remember: Your goal isn't to win Thanksgiving
 
 
You're not going to change Uncle Paul's mind between turkey and pumpkin pie. That's okay. Changing minds takes years of relationship, not one heated dinner conversation. Your goal is to plant seeds, maintain relationships, and model the dignity you want to see in the world.
 
 
This is hard work. Staying in a relationship with people across deep disagreement, refusing to write people off, and insisting that everyone, even the person who drives you crazy, has inherent dignity. It's the work Rehumanize does every day.
 
 
We build coalitions that shouldn't exist according to conventional politics. We bring pro-life advocates and death penalty abolitionists to the same table. We insist that human dignity doesn't stop at partisan boundaries.