Sacraments, Sponsors, and the Call to Authentic Discipleship

On a quiet Sunday afternoon, a young couple stands at the baptismal font, their baby shifting in a white gown, godparents close at their side. On the surface it looks simple: a few pictures, a candle, a white garment, a family meal afterward. But in that moment the Church is entrusting this child to a network of spiritual relationships: parents, godparents, future catechists, and pastors who will prepare the child one day for Confirmation—and perhaps for a life of deep discipleship.

Because of that, the Church is not casual about who stands at the font or in the Confirmation line. The Catechism and the Code of Canon Law are surprisingly concrete about what is expected of parents, godparents, sponsors, catechists, and priests. And those norms matter especially when the Church faces painful, very public situations where sacramental practice and public choices collide.

Let’s walk through this patiently and pastorally, and then look at a recent high-profile Confirmation that has raised serious questions.

Parents and the sacred duty of choosing godparents

The Church assumes something very beautiful: that parents are the first and primary catechists of their children in the ways of faith. The Catechism teaches that the family is the “domestic Church,” the first place children learn to pray and believe (CCC 1653–1657, summarized). When parents ask for Baptism, the Church presumes they sincerely intend to raise their child Catholic.

Canon Law actually requires that:

• At least one parent (or lawful guardian) consent to Baptism.
• There must be a “founded hope” that the child will be brought up in the Catholic faith; if this hope is entirely lacking, Baptism is to be delayed and the parents gently instructed.

Within that responsibility sits the choice of godparents:

Canonical requirements for godparents

Canon 872 describes the godparent’s role: A sponsor “helps the baptized person to lead a Christian life in keeping with baptism and to fulfill faithfully the obligations inherent in it.”

Canon 874 then spells out the minimum conditions to be a sponsor

Designated by the parents (or the person to be baptized) and willing to fulfill the role. At least 16 years old (unless the bishop or pastor judges a just exception).

A Catholic who:

• has been baptized,
• has received Confirmation,
• has received the Eucharist, and
• “leads a life of faith in keeping with the function to be taken on.”
• Not bound by a canonical penalty (excommunication, interdict, etc.).
• Not the father or mother of the one to be baptized.
• A non-Catholic Christian may be present as a Christian witness but not as a godparent; there must still be at least one Catholic sponsor.

What that means for parents in practice--So the Church is asking parents, very concretely, not just to choose someone “close to the family,” but someone who is already living the Catholic faith in a credible way.

When you choose a godparent, the Church expects you to seek someone who:

• Attends Sunday Mass and holy days regularly.
• Confesses and receives the Eucharist frequently.
• If married, is validly married in the Church (or has a decree of nullity and is now in a regular situation).
• Publicly lives in a way that can reasonably be held up as a model of Catholic discipleship.
• This is not about perfection. Every godparent is a sinner. But a parent should be able to say, honestly, “If my child imitates this person’s faith, prayer, and moral life, they will be drawn closer to Christ and His Church—not confused about what the Church teaches.”

The vocation of a godparent: more than a name on the certificate

Seen this way, a godparent is not a sentimental title; it is a long obedience in the same direction.

In the years after Baptism, a godparent is meant to:

• Pray daily for the godchild.
• Encourage the parents in their vocation when it is hard.
• Gently guide and correct the child, especially in moral matters.
• Be present—at First Confession, First Communion, Confirmation if possible, and in the quieter seasons of life.

Canon Law’s phrase, “leads a life of faith,” is crucial here. Parishes and dioceses routinely interpret this to mean that people who are publicly living in a way that contradicts Church teaching—such as being in an invalid marriage or a same-sex civil “marriage”—cannot be admitted as sponsors, precisely because their public state objectively undermines the witness they are meant to give.

Confirmation sponsors: godparents at the threshold of Christian adulthood

When a young person (or an adult in OCIA) approaches Confirmation, the Church again asks for a sponsor. Canon 892 describes the sponsor’s task: 

“The sponsor is to take care that the confirmed person behaves as a true witness of Christ and faithfully fulfills the obligations inherent in this sacrament.”
Canon 893 then links back to the same conditions as for Baptism (Canon 874), and says it is desirable that the Confirmation sponsor be the baptismal godparent, to show the unity of the sacraments of initiation.

The Catechism adds that preparation for Confirmation should lead the candidate toward:

• A more intimate union with Christ, and
• A deeper familiarity with the Holy Spirit and His gifts,

So that they can assume the apostolic responsibilities of Christian life. And it states plainly:

“To receive Confirmation one must be in a state of grace. One should receive the sacrament of Penance in order to be cleansed for the gift of the Holy Spirit.” (CCC 1310) So again, the sponsor is not simply an honorary role. He or she is meant to embody the kind of Catholic life the candidate is being confirmed into.

If the sponsor is publicly living in an objectively gravely sinful situation—for example an invalid heterosexual marriage, or a publicly and sexually active same-sex union—it is difficult to see how they “lead a life of faith in keeping with the function to be taken on” as Canon 874 requires.

Catechists, OCIA teams, and priests: their responsibilities in law

The Church also speaks directly to those who prepare people for Confirmation—whether in middle school or high school in a parish program or adults in OCIA.

a. Pastors and catechists
Canon 773 says:

“It is a proper and grave duty especially of pastors of souls to take care of the catechesis of the Christian people…” 
Canons 773–780 underline that:

• Bishops and pastors have a serious duty to ensure sound catechesis.
• Parents share in this responsibility in a privileged way.
• Catechists must be duly prepared, have ongoing formation, and know both Church doctrine and pastoral pedagogy (Canon 780).

For sacramental preparation in particular, Canon 889 §2 requires that a person who has the use of reason be:

• Suitably instructed,
• Properly disposed, and
• Able to renew their baptismal promises.

“Properly disposed” has always included the expectation of being in the state of grace for Confirmation (CCC 1310) and ready to live as a “true witness of Christ.”

Canon 843 §1 adds an important balance:

“Sacred ministers may not deny the sacraments to those who opportunely ask for them, are properly disposed, and are not prohibited by law from receiving them.”

So catechists and pastors have a dual responsibility:

• Not to bar sacraments capriciously or harshly, but
• Not to ignore public and ongoing situations that contradict the Gospel and the discipline of the Church.

b. Priests in particular
Canon 890 places a special obligation on parents and pastors to see that the faithful are properly instructed and come to Confirmation at the appropriate time.

Priests have to hold together:

• Mercy and patience toward individual sinners, and
  Fidelity to doctrinal and canonical norms for the good of the whole community.

Sometimes that means saying, with tears if necessary:
“Right now, your public situation is not in harmony with the faith you are professing. Let us walk together toward conversion, and then toward the sacrament.”

Marriage, sexual morality, and “irregular unions”

To understand questions around sponsors and candidates in same-sex unions or invalid marriages, we have to recall what the Church actually teaches about marriage and sexual morality.

The Catechism and Canon Law define marriage in essentially the same terms:

“The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life… is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring.” (CCC 1601; CIC 1055 §1)

A valid sacramental marriage is:

• Between one man and one woman,
• For life,
• Ordered to their good and to children,
  And, between the baptized, raised by Christ to the dignity of a sacrament. 

The Church also teaches clearly:

• Homosexual acts are “intrinsically disordered” and “under no circumstances can they be approved,” while persons with same-sex attraction must be treated with respect, compassion, and sensitivity; every sign of unjust discrimination must be avoided. 
• Those who are divorced and civilly remarried, without an annulment and a commitment to live in continence, “cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists” and “cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities.” (CCC 1650; echoed in magisterial documents) 

This is not about singling out one group for special condemnation; the same logic applies to any publicly and objectively gravely sinful situation—heterosexual or homosexual—that contradicts the meaning of marriage or the Sixth Commandment.

A recent, painful example: the confirmation of Gio Benitez

In recent days, much attention has focused on ABC News anchor Gio Benitez (often mistakenly described as an NBC anchor), who is openly gay and civilly married to another man. He was confirmed at the Church of St. Paul the Apostle in New York City on November 10, 2025; his civil spouse stood as his sponsor, and Jesuit Fr. James Martin played a prominent role in the liturgy.

From public reports and Gio’s own statements:

• He identifies his male partner as his “husband” and continues to live in this union.
• The parish framed the event as a celebration of inclusion, highlighting that he was received “as he is.

As Catholics, we can and should rejoice whenever someone longs to return to the sacraments after years away. The Lord truly does seek every lost sheep. And the Catechism insists that persons with same-sex attraction must be welcomed with genuine respect and love.

But precisely because we love, we cannot pretend that everything is already in order when it is not.

Based on the Church’s own law and teaching:

• A sponsor must “lead a life of faith in keeping with the function to be taken on.” A civilly recognized same-sex union is, by definition, a public state that contradicts the Church’s teaching on both marriage and sexual morality.
• A candidate for Confirmation who has reached the age of reason must be properly disposed and in the state of grace, intending to live as a “true witness of Christ.” Ongoing public sexual relationships that contradict Church teaching objectively call that disposition into question unless there has been clear repentance and a firm purpose of amendment (which from the outside we cannot see, but which must at least include a willingness to live chastely).

We cannot judge Gio’s subjective culpability or what has been said in the confessional. That belongs to God and to his confessor. But at the level of public sacramental discipline, confirming an openly partnered same-sex couple, with the partner as sponsor, and presenting it as a model of inclusion, conflicts with the Church’s own criteria for sponsors and sacramental disposition and risks grave scandal.

The same would be true if:

A man publicly living with a woman outside marriage, Or a woman divorced and remarried without an annulment, Were confirmed while continuing in that union, and the partner were presented as sponsor, with no sign of repentance or commitment to continence.

Again: this is not about targeting people with same-sex attraction. The standard is the same for everyone.

“But you don’t have to be perfect”: assessing Fr. Leo Patalinghug kind of response

Some online commentary—such as a recent reel by Fr. Leo (Plating Grace), which addressed Confirmation and whether “sinless perfection” is required—rightly reminds us that the sacraments are not rewards for the perfect.

That is true. No one who receives Confirmation is without sin. The Church does not teach that candidates must be free of every venial fault or struggle.

But there is a crucial difference between:

• A candidate who struggles with temptation, feels the pull of sin, and yet repents and strives to live according to the Gospel, and
• A candidate who publicly and persistently lives in a situation the Church identifies as objectively gravely sinful—such as a sexually active same-sex union or an invalid heterosexual marriage—and who insists on keeping that situation unchanged and affirmed.

The Catechism is clear:

To receive Confirmation fruitfully, one must be in a state of grace and prepared to live as a disciple.

Those in situations that contradict God’s law (such as divorced and civilly remarried persons without an annulment) cannot receive certain sacraments or exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities until they repent and commit to living in continence. So, if a priest or commentator suggests that ongoing, public, objectively gravely sinful situations pose no obstacle to Confirmation, that is an oversimplification that does not square with the Catechism and canon law. Mercy never abolishes the call to conversion; it accompanies sinners toward a new life.

Responsibilities of catechists and priests in such situations

For those teaching youth or adults in OCIA, this means:

Present the Church’s teaching on marriage, sexuality, and chastity clearly and compassionately (CCC 1601–1666; 2331–2359).
Have honest conversations with candidates whose lives are objectively not in harmony with that teaching.
Invite them to conversion, including:

• Seeking a decree of nullity if there was a prior valid marriage,
• Choosing to live as brother and sister in a civil union,
• Or stepping away from certain roles (like sponsor or godparent) until the situation is regularized.
• Collaborate closely with the pastor, who has ultimate responsibility for judging readiness and disposition in his parish (cf. canons 773–780, 889–890). 

Priests, for their part, must resist two opposite temptations:

• A rigid legalism that forgets God’s patience and the complexities of people’s lives;
• A sentimental “mercy” that effectively denies the reality of sin and leaves people in bondage.

Canon 843 gives the golden thread: do not deny sacraments to those who are properly disposed and not prohibited—but do not call someone “properly disposed” while ignoring an ongoing, public, gravely sinful situation that contradicts the very sacrament being celebrated.

Walking this road with charity and truth

When the Church insists that godparents, sponsors, and candidates live in a way that is reasonably in harmony with the faith, she is not being cruel or “homophobic.” She is:

• Protecting the integrity of the sacraments,
• Guarding the consciences of the faithful from confusion and scandal, and
• Calling every one of us—gay and straight, married and single—to the same high dignity of chastity, fidelity, and conversion.

If a person with same-sex attraction, or a person in a second civil marriage, comes forward longing for God and the sacraments, the Church’s heart must be wide open. We walk with them. We listen. We help them discern paths of repentance and holiness that may be costly but are never joyless, because they unite us to the Cross and Resurrection.

But we do them no kindness if we quietly set aside the clear teaching of the Catechism and Canon Law so that a ceremony will “look nice” or play well on television.

Parents choosing godparents, young people choosing sponsors, catechists preparing candidates, and priests celebrating the sacraments all share one vocation: to help souls stand before God with integrity. That means, in our time, having the courage to say:

• “We love you.”
• “You belong in the Church.”
• “And because we love you, we cannot pretend that a union the Church cannot recognize as marriage, or any other gravely sinful situation, is compatible with receiving or witnessing to the sacraments without repentance.”

That is not hatred. That is the hard, honest tenderness of Christ, who says to every one of us:
“Neither do I condemn you; go, and do not sin again” (Jn 8:11).

God Bless