This is not a great topic for this time of year, but life goes on, and perhaps it is the perfect topic, for not everyone is 'merry' during the Holidays.
My Dad at one time thought he was doomed to hell after Mom died. Today, after another frustrating encounter with poor communication skills and thought processing due to aging---I realized that perhaps—I am already in Purgatory.
Aging in itself is a cross for sure, but Purgatory? Yes, for Purgatory is a place of cleansing, and a time to truly see yourself and all your weakness exposed. You see just how human you are and unloving. As we age, we encounter frustration, fears, depression, anger, and a strong dislike for what is happening to us.
In the past several months, due to the physical ailments, degeneration, aches and pains---I have found that being tired and weary adds up to being easily irritated and aggravated and DEFENSIVE when I am unjustly accused of “What’s wrong with you? Why are you being a grump?”
“I am tired,” but do I dare reply, “Because you are a grump?”
Too many times, I catch myself muttering—“I hate my life.” Followed quickly by, “I am sorry Lord. Help me please, and forgive us.”
As we age, the hearing also gets worse, and with that comes more remarks as “You just don’t listen,”
Excuse me dear husband—“You aren’t hearing half of what is said!”
I am now also checking to see if hearing aids are in those ears, so I know to talk quieter. If they are left out, I need to be louder so what is said is heard. I will either hear--"Talk quieter," or "What?"
Yes indeed, aging is definitely like being in Purgatory. No doubt in this mind. My prayers are now for Wisdom to know how to reply and not stir up an emotional firestorm as my spouse is just as frustrated with his limited ability to communicate what he is thinking. He knows that the right words don’t always get spoken and he and I both are finding ourselves searching for words or a word that seems to have slipped out of our mind—and nowhere to be found. Eiyee!!!
Fear slips in to as you feel a sense of hopelessness that this is only going to get worse. It is no wonder that my heart yearns for Jesus to come back before our world; and this world crumbles around our feet.
Ah but that is when I get the “look, along with a smile” in my inner spirit and the reminder---“I am already here. Look at Me and trust in My love for you. Remember Purgatory is a place of growth and promotion, as your trust in God deepens and you continue to humble yourself and surrender to My Will.”
Yes Lord, and I am glad You do not mind me saying “help” over and over again, for I need You more than ever.
“I know, more than you ever will know: I know. I know, also, that you know you can always count on Me.”
Oh, was that a glimpse of Heaven I see? Must be, for Heaven is where Jesus is---and Peace can be found. Just have to get this attitude of mind one with His Love. Perhaps that is the purpose of Purgatory to begin with—a place for attitude adjustments prior to lift off.