NEGOTIATING HELL: a sequel to CS Lewis' "Screwtape Letters." Ch 4-the devil is in the details

Satan spent his entire week in seclusion, mulling over his two God-given options. If Satan listened to God from the beginning, he would not be in this mess. Meanwhile, he knew that 2 of his minions were pounding earthly pavement, while due-diligencing unions. While he could not read minds, he watched behaviors long enough to know allegiances, or a lack thereof.

Meanwhile, the 2 minions plotted, while walking the inner city sidewalks. Discussion points were …

How does one obtain union advice? Does one share, “we’re fallen angels from below, organizing against Satan, what’s your advice?”

Nor could they let souls think unions are needed in hell, due to marketing complications

How might they fit in here while laying organizing groundwork downstair?

Could they find the influencers who passed new union laws?

Most important, everything must be secret from Satan. What would happen if their union activities fell on Satan’s time? Yet hell was 24/7/365, when else?!

While they were roaming the world, seeking the ruin of souls; they checked gas station bulletin-boards for union meetings and/or conventions. Hey! — didn’t unions serve free beer and pizza? Everyone liked freebies, especially undiluted beer. They would disguise themselves. Ever since Adam and Eve got booted, minions were experts at craftiness, context, camouflage, concealment and cover.

The minions arrived at a union meeting site to observe. It radiated potential. They paused at something new and unanticipated. At the entry point, bouncer-types stood guard. One minion thought it was the mafia, but the U.S. government said there was no such thing. However, if ever there were a mafia — allegedly — here it was. Wow! Was this the famous Teamsters union? Which dude replaced the mysterious, Jimmy Hoffa?

As they reached the door, one guy mumbled, “union card?” as he reached out his hand.

“What?” asked the black minion.

“He said, where’s your union card, Einstein?” growled a meaner-looking dude.

“Sorry, we forgot ours,” replied the orange minion, shaking. Orange wasn’t interested in being roughed up by the imaginary mafia. He was more of a lover than a fighter.

“No union card, no entry,” scolded the tough guy. “You’re outta here!”

“But it’s vital that we attend this meeting,” begged the darker minion.

“It's ... a matter of dire importance,” stuttered Orange.

“Hey guys, I think we’ve got a couple of management-stooges here, who need a lesson,” offered a third bone-crusher.

“No worries,” deferred the black minion. “We were just leaving.”

The minions trudged to the corner pub deflated, but not before slipping pro-management flyers under car windshield wipers to incite chaos. Once inside, they took running high jumps to mount bar stools. Upon success, they ordered beers. Since they didn’t get free pizza and beer, what justification could they use for beer expenses? Orange shuddered at dealing with Satan’s accountant. She could pass for Satan’s mother. At the upcoming voucher exchange, Blackie pictured her raiding their personal bank accounts plus penalties, for her pain and suffering.

“What’s a union card?” the black minion asked.

“It appears to be the ticket into unions,” snapped Orange. “This is not going well.”

“Maybe we could hang out until their meeting ends?” replied the black minion. “If they come here to debrief, we could eavesdrop.”

“Maybe, when prowling for souls, we should have paid attention! We might know a lot about unions by now,” mentioned Orange. After a few rounds of brews and whine, the bar filled with meeting members. It was time to pick some brains.

“By the way, what’s your name?” said the black minion.

“I’m Shirley,” admitted Orange, showing off orange-polished finger claws.

“Surely? Wow!” Blackie was envious. “Why are you the only minion Satan calls by their given name?”

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1: Talking to a wall

Chapter 2: Jerking Satan’s Chain & the burning laptop

Chapter 3: “Hmm …. I guess I read that wrong”

Chapter 4: The devil is in the details

Chapter 5: And what did they want to organize?

Chapter 6: Nothing is every good enough

Chapter 7: What could be worse?

Chapter 8: The learning curve