NEGOTIATING HELL: a sequel to CS Lewis' "Screwtape Letters." Ch 10

NEGOTIATING HELL: a sequel to CS Lewis' "Screwtape Letters." Ch 10 - Bail-out Prayers

The red phone rang. It was time for Satan’s weekly check-in with God.

Already, God knew how Satan’s week went

Satan knew that God knew how it went and

God knew that Satan knew that God knew how it went. Nevertheless,

Satan was under discipline and check-ins were a huge hunk of his hell.

Satan seethed, “but why negotiate? I don’t care about them. They don’t care about them! Besides, I’ve secured their eternities already. Why consume gnarly-gristle, with suckling-soul on the menu? Do festering fossils need happiness on assembly lines? Their purpose is to seduce, reduce and produce young, tender souls.”

God attempted to refocus Satan, “how did we get here? And how might we change course?” Satan ignored God.

“What could they want that I’m not going to give them? They’re failures. That’s their hell!” As he continued to rant, Satan couldn’t be more right. Upon their creation, angels received complete information to decide ‘will you serve?’ Then, they received what they chose. Beings must be careful for what they ask.

God was infinitely patient with Satan. As Satan’s anger deescalated, God offered help by providing a consultant. But was it enough? God knew demons, like humans, wanted things not in their best interest. Selfish desires backfired. Earthlings were notorious for bailout-prayers. These problems, often of their own making, were interchangeable followed by the same old promises.

“God if you let me win this bet, I promise to never gamble again or

…I will come back to church on Sundays.

…I will never drink again. Or smoke. Or cheat. Or be addicted.”

Or whatever. The same bargains have echoed since the dawn of time.

When God said ‘no’ to a prayer, something better was coming. However, humans crave instant gratification. To satisfy urges faster, humans invented false deities. The Greeks, Romans and others; built gods to fix problems. The Norse god Ymir, bore twins, one from each armpit. Perhaps they were the false gods of bromhidrosis? Meanwhile, God sent prophets to wake up the faithful. As Satan droned, God considered Satan’s medicine.

“Are you listening?” Satan moaned, “surely, you see my pain?” Satan was in full-novella-mode, poor devil. O the drama and lore.

God responded in truth, “Yes. I know what both sides are feeling. Your minions cry out to you for help. They need to know you care about them.”

“But I don’t care about them!” yelled Satan. “What don’t they understand?

“We find ourselves at an impasse. Here’s a thought, you excel at deception. What if you pretend to care until it becomes a habit?” asked God. “Maybe they’ll stop unionizing.”

“How would that work?” asked Satan. “My job is to make their life a living hell. It’s in the name … hell.”

God considered bartering with Satan over this time loss, but Satan had nothing of value. God didn’t need money or things. He created whatever He wanted; and He wanted beings. God was Love and He ached for souls. They were akin to cute little puppies, but better. Yes, puppies had accidents and chewed slippers, but who doesn’t forgive puppies? Similarly, God forgave the sincere. Beings can be smart, rational and respond to grace. They can engage through thought and prayer; and sing praise and in thanksgiving. God wants souls with Him, in glory forever. But only if souls want it too.

“Well, I better go,” said Satan sadly. “I’ve got work to do. Talk to you next week.”

Fortunately, calls were once a week. God’s leash on Satan was short. In addition to omniscience, God balanced Satan’s stories with souls’ feedback. While God knew everything, souls provided insights that Satan forgot to mention. God would not allow Satan to torture anyone beyond their ability.

Incoming prayers, stories and requests were organized by Sera. 'Speak of the devil,' Sera floated in with today’s list. God loved her. She was a legend, so giving and efficient. No wonder angel choirs came to her. Her nickname was Sera Illuminera.

“I heard that. I love You too, forever and ever!” smiled the Wayfarer-wearing Seraphim.

God loved all His beings. With His gift -- free will -- beings choose their way, whether good or naughty. In return, God’s mercies were love, tough love and justice. All He asked was permission to build a relationship; as two lit candles whose wax melts and fuse together. God is, was and will always be everything. What else do they need?

< See below link for Chapter 11: “Uh huh” >

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1: Talking to a wall

Chapter 2: Jerking Satan’s Chain & the burning laptop

Chapter 3: “Hmm …. I guess I read that wrong”

Chapter 4: The devil is in the details

Chapter 5: And what did they want to organize?

Chapter 6: Nothing is ever good enough

Chapter 7: What could be worse?

Chapter 8: The learning curve

Chapter 9: It’s all in the sales pitch

Chapter 10: Uh, huh?