2 Causes behind Courthouse Weddings

Interviewing multiple couples who married at the courthouse, eloped, or had a very small ceremony at a family's home, this article asks the ultimate question that I consider a very good question to ask when first planning a wedding: "Who is it for, ultimately?"

As Catholics, our response, I hope, is that marriage is for the greater glory of God, who calls these two into unity in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, and for the Good of society and the Church.

As President of St. Anthony's Bridal, having ministered to couples for over 7 years, I cite two possible causes behind why couples leap at a chance to elope, grab a few close family for a courthouse beat, or host a quiet reception at a family home.

#1 - Pendulum Effect... What the magazines plaster as "real weddings" range from Manhattan to Napa Valley... Napa being more "budget friendly" ... I joke a bit here... So the Pendulum Effect accounts for this knee-jerk reaction of couples who look at perfection to the tune of $147,000 on the pages of dozens of wedding magazines in the stores, and simply respond with the quickest way to avoid it - courthouse or elope. I found it a bit comical... it is clear in this article that even though the couples interviewed had "private" or "small" nuptials, they ended up or intended on spending between $6,000 and $15,000 for a reception at a later date. Conclusion? They're still caving to wedding industry or social pressure to throw a big party.

#2 - Fear of Conflict... What technology offers in the form of live streaming is a separation from judging eyes, seating chart drama, and invitation woes. Who wants to have a friendship torn to shreds based on gossip? Who wants to deal with the guest list categories, the number of kids attending, the endless questions about what you're wearing, what you're planning, how big the party is going to be? Well, honestly, no one. No one in a healthy mindset craves conflict.

And this is where St. Anthony's Bridal offers Hope.

One of our sweetest and longest married volunteers, Denise, had well over 300 guests and did it all for under $2,000.

In response to the Pendulum Effect, I share with engaged couples in our nonprofit shop's area that we have vendors who will take a $10,000 or less budget seriously and will provide high quality services at a cost no one would guess.

And finally, in response to the Fear of Conflict, my nonprofit's mission is to give couples tips for growing in unity by planning a low-conflict, low-budge,t yet appropriate, ceremony and reception. It is possible, and I encourage engaged couples that it is OK to have conflict. Conflict is part of life. Running from conflict is unhealthy. Learning about how our respective families operate, yes, even the cray-cray drama, should direct a couple to prayerfully discern and reasonably discuss just with each other what is going on and how to resolve any conflict with a united front - part of the formula for a healthy and strong marriage.