The Canon of Marriage in Films

This Article first appeared - with less editing - a few years back on this platform. Since then, the list has grown. And so, I have decided to reboot this list and call it the "Canon." I hope you enjoy this first part - again, a reprint from a few years ago - before we get to the new content. If you like this article and would like to see it again, and catch more like this, be sure to hit my Substack Remembering Freedom, found here: https://rememberingtomorrow.substack.com Many articles found here also appear there.

I have heard that one of the three secrets Our Lady revealed to the children of Fatima was that the last attack from the Devil would be upon the family.  Though I have not done my diligent research into the accuracy of this being one of the secrets, I have no problem believing it to be true: we need simply to turn on any modern television to see the struggles and persecutions the Christian family has to endure in our country today.  Romance and the institution of marriage itself have been particular casualties in modern media, where dating and love revolves around the pleasure or desires of the individual persons within the relationship and is completely divorced from eventual marriage and children.  As an example, I was encouraged to watch the hit show Friends, where as it turns out the central relationship in the show (between Ross and Rachel) simply revolves around who they happen to be sleeping with that season.  Though aspects of the show I did find funny, the shallowness of every romantic relationship portrayed left me in a spot where I could not root for or even maintain interest in any of the protagonists. 

Marriage portrayed through entertainment media has lost its very identity, rendering stories that fall flat and un-relatable about couples whose involvement with each other have nothing worthy of portrayal, especially if the attempt is to portray them in a positive or aspiring light.  Marriage was not always a nebulous affair for moviemakers: every effort was made to produce quality art that would simultaneously capture the realities of human life but present them in an artful, tactful, and respectful way.  Even stories revolving around struggling marriages or failed living situations retained a very real sense of what the nature of the portrayed relationship was supposed to be.  Inspired by my own experience of television as a family affair, I have compiled a list of what I consider to be 4 of the greatest films throughout history which uphold and portray deep and real truths about marriage.  These films are not always straightforward in their portrayal of the union, and though I deem them worthy of entire family viewing on a regular basis, as always the parents who remain guardians of the family must decide for themselves.  

1) Random Harvest (1942).  Based on a book by the same name and starring Ronald Colman and Greer Garson, the story follows a British Soldier (Colman) who finishes out World War I in a state of long term amnesia: due to a battle injury, he cannot remember who he is, where he is from, or what he has been doing.  Added to this is a pretty severe speech impediment.  He escapes from the asylum he is living in while the whole city celebrates the end of the war and is subsequently befriended by a music hall star (Garson).  Garson recognizes his human dignity, merely disguised by his speech impediment and loss of memory and helps him to both escape the city and regain his proper power of speech.  Though nothing can be done about his memory, Colman is rehabilitated into a fully functioning part of society, even obtaining a job as a writer.  He ends up falling in love with Garson, whom he marries and has a child with.  

All is set up for the happily ever after we all hope for, until tragedy strikes: a cruel turn of events reverses Colman’s amnesia, leaving him with full knowledge of who he is and what he does except the three years spent with Garson.  Colman returns to the life he led before meeting Garson, and knows nothing about the little family he had built with her.  In this movie, Garson arguably earns for herself the title of most selfless heroine as she searches for her husband and finds him, a wealthy businessman engaged to be married.  Rather than ruin his life and fill him with resentment and a dutiful submission to wedding vows with a woman he does not know, Garson becomes his secretary to remain close to him.  She painfully supports him through his near-marriage and the heartache that comes after it is broken off.

Colman ends up falling in love with Garson again (in his own fashion, according to the abilities of his old identity), and the two begin another marriage together, this time more of a mere union than a relationship because of the somewhat limited range of emotions Colman now exhibits.  Garson maintains the role of dutiful wife, always taunted by his closeness of remembering her but not ever fully getting there until she cannot take it any more and requests a time physically apart.  She returns to their old home, and upon following her Colman remembers their previous life together.  At long last, they are joyously reunited with the fullness of their persons, both original and rediscovered.

This rollercoaster of a film very beautifully hits upon two important aspects of marriage, both beautifully portrayed by Greer Garson: the inviolability of the vow given voluntarily and with full faculty, and the principle of total self-gift towards your spouse.  Though the specific binding of Colman’s wedding vows can be discussed (since he was, in fact, in a state of amnesia and then reverse amnesia), the complete voluntary assent to the union by Garson cannot be doubted.  Her character herself holds these vows to be binding upon her, and she remains faithful to her husband.  She goes one step further than to remain faithful: she gives herself completely, in every way she can, to the man who is her husband even though he may not recognize her.  I think you would be hard pressed to find a better illustration of total spousal gift and fidelity in any fictional work.  

2) The Scarlet Pimpernel, (1934 version) starring Leslie Howard, Merle Oberon, and an ever so convincing performance of the great villain actor Raymond Massey.  Based on the book The Scarlet Pimpernel, by Baroness Orczy, this British film recounts the escapades of Sir Percy Blakely, a Brit masquerading as a foppish man of leisure but who disguises himself as the mysterious Scarlet Pimpernel in an endeavor to save as many innocent aristocrats from execution by “Madame Guillotine” as he can.  I would love to see a remastered version of this film, or a quality remake which preserves the intricate relational play between Sir Percy Blakey and his wife such as I have not found to date, but the version I have been able to watch recently I found on Amazon Video.  

Set partly in London and throughout France in 1792 at the height of the French Revolution, Howard’s previously mentioned heroic attempts at Mercy in the face of unprecedented human atrocity remain concealed from his French wife, played by Oberon.  Oberon despises who she encounters in her husband, a man to her eyes is nothing more than a cowardly shell of the husband she once knew.  Though he clearly loves her dearly, Howard conceals his heroic actions from his wife: he no longer sees her as trustworthy because of Oberon’s “accidental” betrayal of the Marquis family.  He even harbors some level of animosity towards her because of this deep distrust.  For her part, Oberon’s attitude towards the mysterious Scarlet Pimpernel is undisguised attraction and intrigue.  

Chauvelin (played by Massey) arrests Oberon’s brother in an attempt to enlist her aid as a spy in the capture of the Pimpernel, and threatens her with her brother’s execution if she does not comply.  Howard is aware of Oberon’s agency, which adds to his distrust of her but does nothing to deter his faithfulness.  He even endeavors to comfort her, albeit maintaining his distant charade as fool.  As the film progresses, Howard’s simultaneous love and mistrust for his wife and Oberon’s contempt for him in return become more and more apparent until she is faced with the horrific realization that not only does she love the Scarlet Pimpernel (whom she did betray), but that her husband is indeed the mysterious figure himself.  Howard discovers that she does love him after all (even though she does not know him to be the Pimpernel) and that his own distrust has been misplaced.  

Howard’s total devotion, admiration and love for Oberon shines clear through his clever disguise as foppish fool from their very first interaction, and Oberon’s disgust with him is just as obvious.  He criticizes an in-process portrait of her, claiming that even though the painter has captured her physical beauty well enough, her spark and fire (a “look in the eyes”) cannot be confined to a painting.  She on the other hand explicitly claims to be unhappy in their relationship because of his changed personality.  With excellent performances and clever directing, this old film showcases a couple with mutual distrust, who with begrudging faithfulness to each other struggle through near total disconnect and rediscover their sacrificial love for each other almost too late.  

3) Shane (1953).  Where I would like to see a quality remake of the Scarlet Pimpernel I hold the opposite for Shane: I do not think a modern remake of quality would even be possible for this classic film.  Starring Alan Ladd, Jean Arthur and Van Heflin, this amazing Western of 1953 captures not only the complexities of settling the American West but illustrates a very human problem admirably handled within marriage and family life: the unavoidable natural attraction between two people, one of whom is already married.  

Alan Ladd plays Shane, a drifting gun passing through the plains of Wyoming.  He encounters a homesteading family of a couple (Arthur and Heflin) and their young son,  a family who has an ongoing feud with the ranchers of the territory, both sides claiming legitimate right to the land.  Enchanted by the beauty of family life, Ladd stays on to help develop the land and keep the ranchers in check.

When the ranchers cannot scare the family away they decide to take a more nefarious route: bait Heflin to anger and beat him on the draw with a hired gun they bring in.  Knowing Heflin is too proud to not answer the challenge but is not skilled enough to emerge alive, Ladd takes the burden of answering upon himself by incapacitating Heflin and taking his place.

What would otherwise be a straightforward western is made profound by the chemistry between Ladd and Arthur, obvious from the very first scene.  She is intrigued by his apparent altruism, and attracted to his dashing good looks and bravery; he is clearly drawn to her beauty, hard work, and the potential for a family life.  This mutual attraction is not lost on Heflin, Arthur’s husband: he recognizes what would in any modern show be portrayed as a love triangle but is not deterred by it.  He trusts his wife, as he learns to trust Ladd.  Ladd maintains a deep respect for Arthur by not ever placing her in a compromising position in relation to her marriage, and Arthur does not flirt or lead Ladd on.  This chemistry, recognized by all the adults in the film continues and increases until the tense climax: Ladd saves the family through a good old fashioned showdown, exhibiting not only self sacrifice but a culmination of the respect for Arthur and Heflin he has maintained all along.  Ladd could simply sit back, let the ranchers kill Heflin and take his place as head of the family he has come to love and who in turn love him.  In fact, Heflin himself charges him with the care of his family in the event of his inevitable demise.  Rather than supplanting him and realizing a desire he so clearly has entertained in his mind Ladd preserves Heflin’s pride, protects the marriage between he and Arthur, and removes himself from the equation forever.

Any modern remake couldn’t help itself and would sully the virtue of these characters, caught in the very human situation of attraction between a third party and someone already married.  The remake would somehow have them act upon it.  It is a very harsh reality of life that the chemistry so skillfully captured in the performances of Ladd, Arthur and Heflin is at times unavoidable and is a very human emotion.  The podcast Catholic Stuff You Should Know has a very good episode (#397) titled, “The beautiful stuff I gave up” dealing at length with this relatively pure attraction that is human in nature but can never be acted upon, and the good that can come from this aspect of human life if viewed appropriately.  Where the modern world would tell us that any romantic feeling is worthy of pursuit in its own right as legitimate to the absolute happiness of the individual, Shane testifies to the restraint necessary in the face of attraction that may be real, even beautiful, but cannot be acted upon.  You would be hard pressed to find a more human emotion tempered by the profound respect for the dignity of marriage, and of the people joined to it than the portrayal Ladd gives of Shane.  If you watch no other film in this list, this is the one to watch.

4) Make Way for Tomorrow (1937), starring Victor Moore and Beulah Bondii.  A tear jerker if there ever was one, Make Way for Tomorrow exhibits the primacy of the the marital bond between the spouses over their relation to their children as well as the rediscovery of youthful love in the sunset years of life.

Moore is elderly, and because of his age and some bad investment decisions he can neither get a job nor keep his home.  He and his wife (Bondii) have five children launched with their own lives.  Only one child has room to house both her parents together, but begs time before she is “saddled” with them.  Short term: the kids split their parents up.

The year is 1937: travel and telephone communication is not as advanced as it is today.  Short term plans turn into long term.  Moore gets deathly sick because of the cold weather, and the decision is made that he must go and live with the fifth child thousands of miles away in a warmer climate.  At a final gathering of the family to celebrate Thanksgiving, Moore and Bondii realize that this is in all likelihood the very last time they will see each other in their lives.  They blow off dinner the children have prepared to relive their youthful courting days.  With only one day to sum up their long years of marriage, the events that follow are a consecutive heartwarming showing of their day together followed by the heartache of their children separating them for what we and they know will be their premature last goodbye.

The film showcases and contrasts the inclination to always do what is expected, polite, and planned as opposed to calling an audible in the face of what the marriage itself needs and in recognition of the dignity the union requires.  Rather than spend Thanksgiving with their children, Moore and Bondii are focused on each other and their relationship, renewing their commitment to each other and celebrating their longstanding fidelity even though their relational struggles are about to increase tenfold.  Their children are upset about being stood up for dinner, but they are no longer a factor in the marital relationship which is primarily between the Husband and Wife.  Watch at your own discretion: this film would make stones cry.

Every Sunday outside of Lent while I was growing up, my family would all gather together, make homemade pizza (there was one particular cookie tray that made the best pizza; I still don’t know what it was about that particular tray, but all my siblings agree it just made a superior pie) and gather in the living room for a televised show of some kind.  We worked our way through the Andy Griffith show, Leave it to Beaver, Disney’s Zorro, and Fess Parker’s Daniel Boone, to name just a few.  Occasionally, (and more frequently as the years went on and the TV shows became scarcer and scarcer) the show was supplanted by a full on movie.  These films ranged from simply ones we had been given and so were added to the repertoire to films that turned out to be quite profound in themselves, including some of the ones listed above.  These more profound films all sparked some lasting discussions about art and the topics they portray, discussions I return to even today.  Some of these movies, as demonstrated in the preceding paragraphs contained some very stark illustrations of the life and struggles human love bound in matrimony.  How appropriate it was for me to gain limited exposure to the harsh realities of adult life while still guarded by the caring eyes of the Domestic Church!  The truths about marriage and family are preserved and handed down within the family itself, by the living witness of the spouses to each other and their caring attentiveness towards their children.  It is an experience I would wish for any family.