Gem of Hope

Yesterday I stumbled upon a real gem of hope I'd like to share with you.

I've been dealing with the kind of grief that is like a meteor hitting your life. This came in the midst of working through early life trauma, and the later life trauma inspired by it that seemed so much like normal life that I could hardly identify it as such. 

I've learned that grief is a tremendous leveler. It speaks a truth loudly into your entire body, soul, and spirit and makes it much, much harder to pretend that other fears matter, such as how will they receive me if I say xyz or maybe I should endure this little pain from their behavior longer, because certainly they will stop it soon. 

Grief can break through our compartments. Yes, this can be terribly disorienting, and in some circumstances it can devastate our ability to function. Surgeons, for example, probably need to compartmentalize their skill for cutting into human flesh in order to do their job. If they suddenly lose that mental protection I presume the normal human revulsion kicks in, and they are rendered powerless in this regard. 

Grief can render us powerless to experience safety in our own skin, because something has changed in such a way that dumps out all of our compartments, or perhaps clamps them all up tight. In whatever way, the change changes everything.

But the hope I came across says that eventually, it is possible for good to result. 

Yesterday I was sharing a friend, reflecting on changes I have experienced recently. I noted that I feel now more strongly than ever that I can gather up my whole life, like all manner of things on a giant sheet or blanket, pick it all up in one, and present it to the Lord. As opposed to having this box over here and this pile over here and this piece and that one out in the garage. And with this, I also noted that it feels a bit scary to gather it all up, because I'm realizing that the fate of one part of it is the fate of all. 

She responded that this is truly the path of interior spiritual freedom. And I saw that immediately. 

Later, I was reading Scripture and was drawn to a line from Isaiah 49:23: "None who hope in me shall be ashamed." In some translations, it is rendered "none who wait for me shall be disappointed." I did a little digging into Strong's concordance and suddenly saw that the same word translated as hope or wait is also rendered in some places "gathered into one" (such as Genesis 1:9).

Now, I know my Bible scholar friends will tell me never to build a doctrine out of one Hebrew word, but how could this not be striking to me! To hope in the Lord, to wait upon Him, to gather up my whole life into one after my containers were blasted and lift it up to the Lord -- yes I can see how these interrelate. And this Scripture says that whoever does this will not be ashamed or disappointed. The fate of one part of my life is the fate of all, and faith calls me to surrender it ALL to the Lord, even those parts -- especially those parts -- where the old normal provided something like security and protection. The Lord wants the new normal to be Himself as my point of orientation for safety in my own skin.