Provoked by the Holy Spirt (A Personal Catholic Journey from Ireland)

Throughout my life I always believed in God, even though I didn’t always attend to my Church duties. God was always there calling me back to him.

A Catholic, I went to the local Patrician Primary School in Galway. This was a feeder school for the Patrician Secondary School (High School), so I went there afterwards. Religious education was constant enough, but later on I began to question if there may have been some gaps. Up to secondary school and Communion and Confirmation, religious education in school was pretty good. I was even in the school choir which sang in churches and at school events. I had my first Confession, Communion and then my Confirmation. I understood what was happening and the process behind it (from the perspective of a 12-year-old of course). But most of my classmates were preoccupied with what saint’s name they were going to pick.

Unfortunately, after that, religious education seemed to fade away. Yes, the schools were run by Patrician Brothers, but the changes to the syllabus in the late 80’s or 90’s restricted them somewhat, and religious education became a 40-minute chat with a priest, which also doubled as civics and social education. However, coming up to the Intermediate Certificate (Mid High School examinations), this turned into study time and from the perspective of the students it was more or less abandoned completely in Transition year (The year between High School Examination Years)

Then came the competition for the Leaving Certificate (Final High School Exams) and I was off to University in Dublin. It was a very secular environment there. While I wasn’t going to church at the time, I realised that any mention of Catholicism, the Church or God, would result in scornful responses and harsh criticism. There were some religious people, but they were few and far between. I think that seeing the lack of interest from my fellow students and some lecturers kept the spark alive in me. I could always discern between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour from a Catholic mindset.

I returned to Galway and began working. In one interview the interviewer asked, “you don’t believe in God, do you?” I muttered and didn’t really think of it again. I was hungry for work and achievement after college and was eager to get some experience under my belt. I actually got that job and started working there. They were friendly at first, but it became apparent that the staff were very negative towards Catholicism. Any favourable comment or mention in the news or office chat about God or the Church was quickly shot down, and whoever spoke about it was harshly ridiculed and resented. I contemplated talking about it with management, but then a harmless discussion about doors made me realise that all of the negativity came from the top of the organisation. You see, the doors in the building were all plain wooden doors and they looked a bit shabby to be honest, no design, nothing fancy, it just looked like solid sheets of plywood. I mentioned this to a colleague and was told that they used to have the standard 6 panel doors, however, the manager thought the panels resembled the Christian Cross, and had the doors replaced as that offended them. This is when I started making plans for an exit. I had encountered anti-Catholic views and opinions before, but this was making a structural change to a building. The situation brings to mind that old song ‘The Gambler’ and the lyrics “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, and know when to run.” At this point I knew it was time to ‘run’. It doesn’t take an analyst to figure out why they closed down some time later.

It was unusual, because even though I wasn’t doing my bit, I still had the notion of what was right and wrong for me as a Catholic, and these notions were very strong and led me to make strong decisions.After all of this I went back to university and got my MA and PhD. It was then I discovered a religion channel and every now and again I would casually watch a documentary or two. Usually about Architecture or the Vatican Library. Then I started watching shows with deeper religious content such as a walk through the Liturgy of the Hours and also discussions on the Synod. It was then I realized that underneath all the ego of career and achievement, I had a strong understanding of Catholicism, and I was quite serious and passionate about it.

I started going back to Mass and reading more Catholic media, and watching videos by religious orders online. It has really given me renewed faith. However, I believe that all my negative experiences were actually the Holy Spirit ‘provoking’ me towards a rewarding Catholic life. Sometimes it isn’t always a positive experience that leads you to recognise that God was always with you and was calling you back to the Church.