There is a crisis of young women who don’t know who they are in Christ – who are looking to men and premature sexual relationships for their sense of self. Their purity is being crushed in the process. I’ve personally heard one too many stories of young women …
• Devastated over a breakup with a boyfriend
• Having premarital sex and on the birth control pill in their high school and college years
• Flaunting their bodies in immodest ways to get attention from men
• Living with a guy before marriage
• Letting a boyfriend control their values and behavior
• Putting themselves in precarious situations with the opposite sex by drinking too much
• Becoming terribly unhappy, anxious, and depressed as a result of an unhealthy relationship
Ladies, maybe you legitimately want to do some of these things. Maybe you don’t realize these things are wrong. Maybe you struggle with your own desires, hormones, and temptations. Maybe you think it’s all okay because your friends do these things, and it’s become essentially the norm in our society.
But for a moment, look deeply into your conscience and ask yourself why you are doing what you are doing if you’ve fallen into these behaviors. My hunch is there’s something deeper underlying all of these decisions you're making.
You haven’t yet found your worth in Christ. You probably barely have a relationship with him, or at least not a deep one because you are looking for love and connection in the wrong place. As a result, you don’t know what real love looks like yet. You don’t know the sanctity of your body, yourself, and a sexual relationship yet, and so you don’t respect it. You don't realize that Christ can give you everything you are seeking and more. He can fill your emptiness. You are his beloved.
You don’t need to dress promiscuously and show every curve you have to draw attention from guys. You don’t need to chase a man. You don’t need to live with a guy or have sex with him to please him. You don’t need to let a guy control you in mind or action. You don’t need to be needy and clingy for a man’s attention. You don't even need a man. You've got one that died for you because he loves you so much: Jesus.
The right man will pursue you. The right man will not lead you into sin like premarital sex. The right man will respect your body and see its beauty without you being inappropriately clothed. The right man will help you become your best self, in a Godly way. The right man will meet your emotional needs. Most importantly, God will bring the right man to you at the right time, if that is his will for your life.
Recall St. Maria Goretti, a young woman pursued by a misguided young man who tried to seduce and have sex with her. She resisted his advances to obey God’s word and maintain her purity. She was committed to saving herself for the man that God chose for her, even to the point of death. The young man ended up slaying her.
Staying pure has a cost. For Maria, it was extreme – death. For us, it may be having a few less friends, being persecuted, feeling lonely for a time, or coping with overwhelming desires. Maria was able to stay pure because of her devout love for the Lord, turning to prayer, and trusting God. She's been rewarded for her obedience to God with life eternal and becoming a saint. I believe that God gave us this saint for a reason. To show us that staying pure is costly, requires a deep relationship with him, and has enormous rewards for the faithful.
Young ladies, I encourage you to choose the path of St. Maria. Stay pure and prayerful. Fall in love with the Lord. Find who you are in Christ first. Wait for God’s choice and God’s best. Pray for her intercession on your journey. Parents of young women - show them they are loved by you and by their Heavenly Father. Teach them a sense of self-respect and self-worth. Verse them in the importance of purity. Most importantly, pray for them and with them.