Tips for Bringing Young Children to Mass Part 2: For Parents

As I adjusted to bringing my family to Mass with me, I found myself slipping into feelings of resentment. As I knelt after communion, one kid was squeezing his little body between me and the pew back while the other two were fighting behind me, I would remember how that moment after communion used to be so beautiful and reverent. I began to forget what a blessing it was to have my husband and kids with me at Mass and longed for the past instead. 

The problem wasn't that they were there with me. It was that I didn't feel the same feelings I once did.

Part 1 explored how to make the most out of the Mass for your children. This one is for the parents. With everything we're doing in the first post, it hardly seems like we're participating in the Mass at all. How can we, as parents, still get the most out of the Mass?

Remember your why

I found the biggest cause for my frustration or resentment towards my family in Mass was that I wasn’t getting the same experience I did when I went alone. But do we go to Mass for ourselves? Anyone attending Mass with a “what’s in it for me?” attitude will likely stop attending. So why do we go? We go for worship. The Mass is the ultimate form of worship and we are called to participate in that! We go out of love and obedience to God, but that doesn’t mean we walk away empty. We always get something out of Mass even if we do not feel. We get fed both by the Word of God and the Eucharist. That happens whether or not your pew is spiraling into chaos.  

Come prepared

You might be thinking, “I don’t get fed the Word of God because I never get to hear it.” That’s a fair point. How can we hear what’s being read or the Homily with all the distractions around us? This is where prep work will come in.

We live in an age with endless resources. Finding a priest or a Bible scholar who reflects on the Church’s readings is fairly easy to do these days.  If you’re not sure where to start, search Father Mike Schmitz's homilies and Keith Nester’s Unpacking the Mass podcast. Father Mike always has beautiful homilies that challenge, inspire, and never disappoint. Keith Nester, a former protestant pastor now a Catholic convert, reads all three readings and ties them together into one message.  I’ve found that reading the readings ahead of time and listening to a reflection on them helps me follow along in the Mass. Even if I’m only able to catch a word here and there, because I already know the basic idea, I am still able to understand what is being preached. 

Offer challenges as sacrifices

Sometimes, whenever they are particularly challenging, I look up to heaven in the heat of my frustration and think, “Are you seeing this??” 

Jesus is our shepherd, and we are his sheep. Sometimes I like to visualize myself as one of his sheep with my little lambs he entrusted to my care. I visualize Jesus watching one of His sheep, getting agitated with her lambs, and smiling. Maybe even chuckling. The humor breaks the tension a bit and reminds me that these are the children He selected for me, and I am doing my best with them. 

Jesus sees the struggles. He sees what you’re sacrificing to bring these little ones to Him.  The sacrifice of your quiet prayer time. The sacrifice of fully getting to hear and reflect on the homily. The sacrifice of peace. The sacrifice of holding a sleeping toddler on your hip while trying to sit, stand, kneel. The Mass is the ultimate sacrifice, but we can also offer our own sacrifices. 

Someday, you will get to have a calm, quiet Mass experience again. Right now is a time of sacrifice. Sometimes, making that mental shift in perspective from “God, this is so hard,” to “God, this is for you,” is enough. 

We all belong to each other

There will be other families who have more kids than you, younger than yours, all sitting politely in their pews without a peep.  There will also be families with kids wilder than yours, running around, screaming, and tantruming. Both families are beautiful to see. Both families are bringing their children to Mass.

Avoid the temptation to compare yourself to the seemingly perfect family. Comparison is the thief of joy. Avoid the temptation to judge the family with kids crazier than yours. They are the families who need the most love. If you have a friend with a young family, it can also be a huge help to sit near them and support each other.  As St. Teresa of Calcutta said, "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."  We are all in Mass together. We all have the same goal to get our families to heaven. 

Keep bringing your little ones to Mass. You might not get the same experience you once did, but you can still offer worship and leave fed. Deep breaths, offer the sacrifices, and remember this is only for a short while.