Everyone is Called to a Spousal Relationship (to be married?, not necessarily)

Some people have the impression that to not be in a romantic relationship is to be less, or to miss so much in life; that the unmarried are missing so much in terms of relationship, companionship, and intimacy. And so some even proclaim in social media that they are ‘in a relationship’. It seems to be that the only normal thing in life is to get married at some point. Yet much as married life is a beautiful thing, there are two other vocations, priesthood and/or religious life, and single blessedness– a life of chaste singleness as a dedicated offering to God and neighbor. All three are roads to holiness and therefore to happiness.

Over and above all these three states of life is the universal call to holiness in a spousal or covenant relationship with our Lord. Our Blessed Mother Herself is the ‘Spouse of the Holy Spirit’. This is an important dimension of our spiritual life. We are all called to be united habitually to God, in an intimate spousal/covenantal relationship with Him.

On the communal level the Old Testament is a witness to the Covenant Relationship between God and Israel, His Chosen people. For centuries this covenant was marked by the many infidelities of Israel, in contrast to the infinite mercy and faithfulness of God. And in the New Testament one of the symbols of the Church, the New Israel, is that of being the ‘Bride’ of Christ, for whom He died on the Cross to sanctify Her. In fact, the Sacrament of Matrimony is a symbol of Christ's love for His Church.

On the individual level each one of us is also called to be the spouse of the Holy Spirit, or ‘married’ to Christ, so to speak, regardless of our gender, since this mystical marriage is a spiritual union; that is, the union of God with a human soul. And when this spiritual marriage between God and the soul is ‘consummated’ the result are two natures in one spirit and love; as St. Paul says: “He who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him” (1Cor. 6:17). Even married couples are called to this spousal relationship with God; it takes three to get married.

This was lived by many Saints in a kind of ‘Mystical Marriage’, particularly among some Consecrated Virgins. St. Catherine of Siena, for example, is said to have had a Mystical wedding ceremony with Christ on the evening of Mardi Gras. While people were partying, Catherine was said to have spent the night in prayer. Then Our Blessed Mother appeared to her and assisted in her Mystical Marriage ceremony with Jesus, where He gave her an invisible ring (visible only to her, though sometimes visible also to others through some kind of reddening around the ring finger). [As related by Bl. Raymond of Capua, the Saint's confessor].

Among the male Saints graced with this exalted state is St. Jean Marie Vianney. A devout woman attested to have witnessed the golden ring of extraordinary brilliance in the fourth finger of the Saint's left hand. It is believed that the marriage must have taken place three years before the Saint's holy death. A witness in the canonization process also related having heard the Saint exclaim: “Oh! the beautiful union of the soul with Our Lord! And again: “I wish I could lose myself and never find myself except in God.” Perhaps, by these remarks, the Saint was referring to his spiritual marriage.

Obviously, this spousal relationship with God entails a mutual self-gift. God gives Himself wholly to us, and we ought also to give ourselves totally to Him. Now consider that in this reciprocal relationship the deal is so off balance/unequal: our infinite God giving Himself totally to us while we give our miserable selves to Him. God does not need anything from us, whereas we absolutely, even desperately need God. Yet he deigns to need our love, not for Himself but for us.

In our secular lives we are so shrewd as to never enter into any losing business deal or partnership, but we are willing to take risks for a possible gain in the long run. Yet we are so unwilling to lose ourselves for and in God despite the sure prospect of gaining infinitely more in a Mystical union with Him. Such union with Jesus, however, may mean a more intimate participation in His sufferings; accordingly, in most cases this Mystical Marriage is granted to stigmatics.

And so, are you still so concerned that you aren't married yet at the age of 35, 40 or so?, that you are missing…? Just remember: “To fall in love with God is the greatest romance, to seek Him, the greatest adventure, and to find Him, the greatest achievement” (St. Augustine). “In the first place it should be known that if a person is seeking God, his beloved is seeking him much more” (St. John of the Cross). And Jesus said to St. Catherine of Siena: “think of me; if you do, I will immediately think of you”. How beautiful it is to be in a relationship with God! You wouldn't want to miss in this one. We may not be numbered among those Saints privileged with this exalted state of Mystical Marriage, but we can come close.