When God feels far away
Today I found myself thinking about how much I have to be grateful for.
Not because everything in my life is perfect. It isn't. I still worry. I still become afraid. I still carry questions I cannot answer and burdens I sometimes wish You would simply take away. There are days when my faith feels strong, and there are other days when I realize just how fragile I really am.
But perhaps that is what makes gratitude so beautiful.
Because when I slow down and become honest with myself, I realize that I have never been carrying this life alone. Even in my weakness, You have been there. Even when I have struggled to trust, You have remained faithful. Even when I have fallen short, Your love has never seemed to grow tired of finding me.
Lord, forgive me for how often I come to You asking for what I need while forgetting to thank You for what You have already given me.
Thank You for this morning.
Thank You for another breath.
Thank You for opening my eyes to another day.
Sometimes I think You meet me before I am even fully awake. Before my mind begins racing, before the worries return, before I remember everything I have to do, there is simply You. A quiet presence. A gentle invitation to remember that I am loved.
And Lord, I need that reminder.
I am so easily distracted. I can become consumed by what is missing, what is uncertain, what I cannot control. I forget that the greatest gift I have already received is Your presence.
Never let me become so busy looking for Your blessings that I forget the Blesser.
Never let me become so focused on what I want from You that I forget how much I already have in You.
Your Word is food for this fragile soul of mine. I hunger for healing. I hunger for peace. I hunger to become more compassionate, more forgiving, more loving. And yet I know how often I fail.
I am still learning how to love.
Still learning how to forgive.
Still learning how to trust.
Still learning how to surrender.
And somehow, You love me in the middle of all of it.
That humbles me.
I don't come before You as someone who has everything figured out. I come as I am—a simple man, sometimes strong and sometimes weak, sometimes faithful and sometimes afraid, sometimes full of gratitude and sometimes distracted by everything around me.
But I come.
And perhaps that is what You have been asking of me all along.
Just come.
Come with your fears.
Come with your questions.
Come with your failures.
Come with your imperfect faith.
Come with your tired heart.
Come and rest at My feet.
Lord, when I think about my life, I realize how much of it has been sustained by grace.
There were moments I thought everything was falling apart, and only later did I recognize that Your hands were holding me together.
There were times I felt I had nothing left, and somehow You gave me enough strength for another day.
There were prayers I desperately wanted answered immediately, but You taught me to wait.
And waiting has been one of the hardest lessons of my life.
It is easy to thank You when I receive what I asked for.
It is much harder to whisper, Thank You, Lord, when I am still waiting.
But maybe that is where love becomes deeper.
Maybe gratitude is not simply thanking You for what You give me.
Maybe gratitude is trusting You even when You give me something I do not yet understand.
So today, Lord, I want to thank You even for the unanswered prayers.
Not because they are easy.
Not because I understand them.
But because I trust the heart of the One who hears them.
I am grateful for my family. For the people You have placed in my life. For the laughter, the conversations, the embraces, the ordinary moments I so easily overlook.
I am grateful for the people who have loved me patiently.
And I am grateful for those moments when my own failures have shown me how much I need Your mercy.
Because I am fragile, Lord.
I can be impatient.
I can be stubborn.
I can become discouraged.
I can let fear speak louder than faith.
I can forget You and then wonder why my heart feels empty.
And yet You do not turn away.
You meet me again.
And again.
And again.
Your mercy seems to know something about me that I am still learning to accept: that I am not going to get everything right.
But I am Yours.
And that is enough.
Lord, never let me measure Your love by how comfortable my life feels. Let me recognize Your love even in the places that hurt.
Teach me to see grace in the ordinary.
Teach me to recognize Your hand in the things I often take for granted.
Teach me to be grateful not only when life is beautiful, but also when life is difficult and all I can do is hold on to You.
Thank You for the good days.
Thank You for the hard ones.
Thank You for the prayers answered.
Thank You for the prayers still waiting.
Thank You for the moments that made me joyful.
Thank You even for the moments that broke my heart, because through some of them You taught me how desperately I need You.
Thank You for loving me when I am at my best.
And even more, thank You for loving me when I am not.
Tonight, Lord, I don't want to ask You for anything.
I just want to sit quietly with You and say:
Thank You.
Thank You for my life.
Thank You for my family.
Thank You for my faith.
Thank You for every breath.
Thank You for every opportunity to begin again.
Thank You for every time You have carried me when I could not carry myself.
Thank You for Your patience with this fragile heart of mine.
Thank You for loving me more deeply than I know how to understand.
I place everything into Your hands—my hopes, my fears, my family, my future, my weaknesses, my unanswered questions, and all the things I still struggle to surrender.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring.
But I know this:
You will be there.
And if You are there, then I am not alone.
So, Lord, if all I can give You tonight is a heart that is imperfect but grateful, wounded but hopeful, fragile but willing to love—then receive it.
It is all I have.
And I give it to You with love.
Thank You, Lord.
For Your grace.
For Your mercy.
For Your patience.
For Your tenderness.
For never giving up on me.
And above all, thank You for the greatest gift I could ever receive:
that despite my frailty, despite my failures, despite all the ways I fall short, You still allow me to belong to You.
Amen.
God bless you always.