The Pope and the President vs The Faithful
Road to Reconciliation
Photo By: Flickr/Francis Bijl
I am proud to say I’m a convert to Catholicism, baptized in 2006. My RCIA journey was amazing, and each class drew me closer to a God I had never known.
When giving testimony at pro-life events, I always share my baptismal experience. I was told the waters of baptism would wash away past sins, but I was scared to death. Being fifty-three years old with a colorful past, I envisioned the water boiling due to the amount of sin I carried. Of course, the water remained cool, but because of my past, I didn’t feel cleansed.
I spoke to my sponsor after Easter Vigil and she suggested I make an appointment with our priest to make a general confession. Well, that was scarier yet! Once I was “found out”, I would surely be the quickest ex-communicant in Catholic history.
I justified delaying the inevitable by telling myself, “God knows what I did wrong, I already apologized to Him and He knows I’m sorry.” Then a little voice in my head would say, “Patti, if that were the case, why do you still feel unclean?” It had taken several arguments with that little voice before I made the appointment.
Walking into Father’s office, I was shaking and tears started falling before I even sat down. He handed me a box of tissues and smiled kindly. I was sure that kind look would disappear once I started talking. It didn’t. He listened, patted my hand, and even smiled from time to time. After a while, I realized I wasn’t going to be escorted out of the office and something miraculous happened: The shame was slowly going away and I stopped avoiding the “really bad stuff”. I closed my eyes as I continued and sensed it wasn’t the priest holding my hand anymore, it was Jesus.
By the time my confession was over, I was emotionally drained and exhausted, but felt energized within. The weight of shame and remorse had been lifted, and for the first time in decades, I was at peace and knew I would finally feel deserving of receiving the Eucharist. I wish I could bottle the serenity I felt and share it with the world, but since I can’t … I’ll share by words instead.
Some may avoid or dread the sacrament of reconciliation, considering it something they “have to do.” I am not one of them. Until I actually verbalize my transgressions and ask for forgiveness, they darken my soul. They are a detour on my beautiful faith journey that distances me from God and experiencing His love and mercy.
About the Author
Patti J. Smith is a devoted Catholic and pro-life advocate. She shares her journey from a life of sinful excess to redemption across the country, including pro-life conferences, to members of Congress, at the March for Life in Washington, D.C., and the Walks for Life in San Diego and San Francisco. She has been a guest on several radio shows, including Immaculate Heart Radio and Radio Maria. She also appears in two documentaries, "The Sidewalk Chronicles" and "Hush."
Patti writes Christian devotionals. One of them, "Redeemed – Rosary Meditations for Post-Abortive Women," is used at healing retreats and written in a way to be used by all denominations. Her most recent release is "And God Still Loves Me – A Story of Hope and Healing." She has also had articles published in the National Catholic Register, Life News, and the Southern Cross.
She is a retired background investigator, has a son, step-daughter, eight grandchildren and one great-grandson. She lives with her husband, Michael, in Defuniak Springs, Florida.
