Jesus is calling you

Have you ever felt like getting off the freeway and venturing out down scenic roads to untraveled terrain alone? At first, excited about this new adventure, you begin to share it with others. They might even think you’re crazy. As you prepare for this trip of the unknown you set out to bring the life essentials; some survival gear is a given. Yet as the date comes closer, you get a little anxious for a few reasons. Did you pack the right things? What happens if you forgot something or run into trouble? Is there a way to phone for help? This is crazy, should you even try to do this, there is chance you could lose your life. Doubt creeps in and you begin to talk yourself out of this adventure.

This is the same with spiritual growth, going deeper in your journey with God. You are so eager to meet God at the summit; you’ve built up the huspah to get there, yet as you draw closer to your total commitment your doubts take over. Speaking to others about it confirms to stay with the crowd and do this together. Your companions are content the way everything is going, it is safer and easier to go at this pace. But, what do you do with this calling deep within?

This is what has happened to me. My desire to find God more deeply was burning me up. My family and friends understood it up to a point, but they did not have the same depth of yearning I was expressing. I felt abandoned, alone, rejected and like an outcast. No one could comfort me. Some thought there was something wrong with me and I was beginning to believe them. I was longing for home. Even my devout sisters and brothers couldn’t grasp the inner yearning I had. My quest for God became so intense; it was tearing me apart inside. I had to seek him deeper. Here I am in untraveled terrain. What do I do now? Who were the ones who traveled this road? As my desire increased, I fell in love with the Catholic Church. She came alive in me. This is what brought me to look toward the Saints for guidance. St. John of the Cross said to detach from everything, and I understood nothing was satisfying my hunger for God but God. St Johns’ poetry was my spiritual life. Eureka! I found kinship with a group of people who are no longer walking on earth. Wow! Now what? It’s not like I can call them on the telephone and chat, or is it? Why can’t I? They are at the throne of God and they can pray and intercede for me. Aren’t we part of one body in Christ? Comforted that Mother Mary with the Saints and Angels are all helping me, I began to relax in knowing our Lord. I wouldn’t take anything as coincidence. Awareness has occurred at another level. As I read the Saints writings it was like we were having conversations. When I had questions, they were answering them. They understood me and encouraged me to trust God more and more. The truth is. we all must totally trust Him and abandon ourselves to Him. This is what is called spiritual poverty. Jesus wants me here, where I no longer have any concept of what I am experiencing. other then I know with every fiber of my being, it is He who is in control.

As I look at this world, I see everyone keeping very busy and I do not know how they can do it all and be intimate with God. For me, the business is a distraction and prevents me from sitting in the presence of our Lord. Maybe I am much weaker than everyone else. I can’t chew gum and walk at the same time!

As I place myself in front of our Lord, I am aware that “sitting still” in front of God can be challenging. To be honest, at first I kind of squirmed within myself. It’s uncomfortable and you have an uneasiness doing it. It is like the cliché, “silence is deafening.” It’s humbling yourself knowing that He truly sees everything about you. Yes, we put our best foot forward in the world but God sees our other foot. He sees our weaknesses, our shortcomings, our sins, our imperfections, everything. Nothing is missed by Him. You cannot hide anything from Him. So, while you sit there and are aware of this, you see your nothingness next to your Great God. He made you and you are His. Yes, you are His. He made you out of nothing and formed you in your mother’s womb (read Psalm 139). God loves you so much that He loves your nothingness. Our Creator has given us a gift of finding Him through Jesus to know Him intimately. Jesus says in John 14:23: Whoever loves me will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our dwelling with him. This is what it means to be holy and blameless in His sight. But it takes courage, endurance, commitment, to live the way Jesus asks of us.

Some people will experience a deeper conversion. Some will have doubt and worry, preventing them from going deeper. Either way, this will be done over the span of a life time.

Here is a visual for you….

Upon exiting the freeway, you notice many of your family and friends still enjoying the freeway. Having been off for a while you want them to come with you, possibly pleading with them trying to convince them. Yet they rebel and protest, showing, this way is not working. Jesus showed us another way of doing this and you need to really study His life and passion to figure it out. Instead, pay no regard to their comments and actions. Rather, continue your journey to our Lord. Jesus will reveal to you how to convince them that His way will bring truth and life. But first you need to demonstrate it yourself. This, alone, might take your whole life time to complete. Like any freeway there are many exits along the way. Eventually the freeway ends and you have to get off. With Jesus, He does not stop giving anyone the opportunity to exit and experience His love and mercy while on earth. By striving to be closer to Jesus you will begin to radiate and imitate Him. The Joy will radiate from within you and manifest outwardly. What I have learned from our Lord is that He is craving for our intimacy with Him. All you need to do is take your littleness in front of Him and allow Him to show you His Divinity. You need to see Jesus as He truly is. In John 13:34: I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. Jesus would not ask you to do anything that is impossible. One prayer of mine is: My Lord, I cannot achieve this on my own, but in you and through you, thy will be done. As you open yourself up to Him, you too will see that you can love more and more. Do not worry about your loved ones, just pray for them. Remember God loves them more then you do.

I will end this with a conversation and event between St. Clare and St. Francis.

Francis: Sister Clare, it is better that we go our own ways because of what the world might think. I will leave you to manage on your own.

Clare (saddened): What will I do without you? You are my guide and support.

Francis: Our blessed Lord will guide you.

Clare: And we will not see you again?

Francis: We will meet again when the roses re-flower. (This was the beginning of winter; the flowers will not bloom until well into spring).

Clare: Let it be as you wish, but also as Our Lord wishes.

Almost immediately on a bush near him, suddenly a group of roses had flowered. As Francis departed, Clare with a bunch of roses in her hands placed them at the feet of the Crucifix.

Pax in Christ.