Bearing the Consequences with Grace

As someone who had been known to walk around with the weight of the world on my shoulders, I can attest that there is something wondrous about leaving the confessional with a lighter heart.  I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. In fact, every penitent should walk out not just knowing they are forgiven but feeling it too.

The problem is that in between our visits to the confessional we don’t always remember what it feels like to be forgiven. You see, when we are forgiven by God, He does not wave a magic wand. He doesn’t allow us to travel through time to before the occasion of sin so that we can try again. Perhaps it’s just as well too, or else we might end up in a Groundhog Day scenario. Nor does He rectify the situation. That’s up to us to do, if we can, but oftentimes we simply cannot. No amount of penance can undo the damage we have done.

When we commit the sin of calumny through gossip, for example, we cannot restore someone’s reputation, get them their job back, or mend the relationships that have suffered as a result. When we commit adultery we cannot restore the marital relationship or repair the loss of trust. Even the forgiven bully cannot reverse the sense of despair or suicidal thoughts that ended in tragedy. The forgiven drug addict cannot cure the ill health resulting from substance abuse. And no amount of forgiveness can bring back the aborted child from the dead.

This realisation, that being forgiven doesn’t translate into a neat ‘fix’ – at least not in this life – can be quite depressing. Yet we must bear the consequences of our sins, and the only way to do so is with grace. Even in common everyday English we talk about bearing things with (good) grace, and it is this idea of good-natured acceptance that complements the sanctifying grace that is not so easy to comprehend.

Bearing the consequences of our sins with good grace doesn’t mean pretending they don’t exist (denial) or consigning them to ‘the distant past’ (dissociation).  Grace enables us to live with the truth that we are sinners and that our sins have had grave consequences… and with the faith that God so loves us that He has spared us the just eternal consequences.

So we must be careful not to make the mistake of doubting God’s forgiveness because we still bear the consequences of our sins. Not so long ago I read someone’s comment that she didn’t think Abby Johnson was healed or that she’d truly experienced God’s forgiveness because she still calls herself an “accomplice to murder” and solely “responsible” for the deaths of her children. Nothing could be further from the truth. Women who’ve had abortions can admit they are murderers because they have experienced forgiveness, because their souls are healed. If we think of forgiveness or healing as magically making everything okay and erasing the past, then we are kidding ourselves.  We have not only misunderstood God but set ourselves up for massive disappointment.

Being forgiven and healed doesn’t mean we become carefree about our sins of the past. Nothing can or should enable you to be carefree or happy about the death of your own child or the irreparable destruction of important relationships. Forgiveness repairs our relationship with God but it doesn’t change the past or remove its legacies. What it does mean is that we can live with the truth… through God’s grace. It means we can live with the consequences of sin rather than pretend they don’t exist. And that is why frequent confession is so important.  It doesn’t just take the weight off our hearts. It also gives us the grace to bear the consequences of our sins. Being in a ‘state of grace’ doesn’t erase the past and make everything okay again, it doesn’t make us perfect, but it does mean we’re no longer doing it on our own.  We can bear the consequences with good grace.