Ouch or Touché! I was kneeling at Mass dealing with the side effects of an eye drop I use for my glaucoma. This problem started 3 years ago when I developed severe weakness in the legs and body; along with sensitivity to light and noise so bad that I would get dizzy or mind could not think. This past year due to the severe symptoms of these side effects within 30 minutes of using the drops, it was decided to have a ‘trebulectomy’ done on my right eye.
About 3 months ago, I was told to start using one of those drops again in the left eye. When realizing that once more the sensitivity to fluorescent lights, the dizzy or weak feeling, and now some sudden pain behind the eye was popping up, God and I talked. “I have already been through one eye surgery, is the left eye next God? You know you could heal these eyes if You would just say the Word.”
“Do you really want to be healed?” The Inner Voice/thoughts came into my mind.
I knew immediately what He was speaking of---for over a week now there were other symptoms coming into my life that had me asking “Why is this here and what do I need to see that has not been dealt with from my past?”
In the past three days to send me insight, there were two posts on Face book that were giving me some clues. One was a reflection of bitterness and the effects it can bring into our spiritual life/body/emotional well being. The Scripture used was from Acts 8:22-23 New International Version (NIV).
22 Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord in the hope that he may forgive you for having such a thought in your heart. 23 For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.”
The other post was from a woman pleading for prayer as she was dealing with migraines and other gastric problems that started about the year anniversary of her son’s death. She has not only lost her son, but her daughter too. My trained mind was seeing her inner hurt/anger that was not being spoken and leading to her poor health.
In seeing her situation, God was saying—“Remember what we see in others, we first see in our self.”
In regards to my eyes---I was near sighted from birth and not diagnosed until age 7 when I got glasses and began to see a whole new world that I did not know existed. Glasses can cure that, but remember how much knowledge comes only when we can ‘hear or see.’ So parts of my young age were scarred by people not “UNDERSTANDING WHY YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO OR RESPOND THE WAY YOU DO.” This emotional pain was still down deep where we tend to bury that which is very painful from our past.
(This is very important for all people to realize, please do not to be so quick to JUDGE someone when you do not know the WHOLE STORY of what is going on.)
God also knew too that my vision was not the only thing the needed healing. I remember when I got the glasses, I learned subconsciously that ‘sickness or something wrong physically’ can get you attention and something brand new in my life.
Being the youngest of eight, hand me downs, except for shoes sometimes, were all that I had given to me. NEW came with a toy at Christmas or a pair of shoes, if the older sisters'shoes were worn out. Remember the WORD about being bitter? Well I was—it is only normal for humans to know this feeling especially the child whose mind can’t understand “why?”
I remember praying that my eyesight would get worse so I could get NEW glasses when eyes were re-examined. (I also remember asking God forgiveness about that wish many times as I aged and they got worse.)
So, now, God wanted me to see the “rest of the story,” as Paul Harvey said. WHAT else was that young girl bitter about? He wanted me and “you too,” to open up all those closed doors of our hearts so healing can begin.
We were poor or almost poor in material ways, and this left some bad memories in a little girl’s mind. Classmates will always find a weak area to pick on, or bully someone, and mine did. I can’t say if I felt bitter about this, but I sure remember being MAD!!
Back in the 50s-60s growing up, we were still taught girls do the house work and boys do the chores. Then, why were we all called to help in the garden or care for the animals? By the time I was 12, chores was put entirely in my care, as off the boys went into the wild blue yonder. The bitterness and resentment began then about unfairness of life, and carried on into my life even now. “Hey, how come life is this way, God?” was a question frequently voiced over the years.
Men and women, if you are honest, there is bound to be bitterness and resentment about the uneven carrying of workloads in family life. Men were taught---bring home that bacon and wife does all at the household chores including ‘waiting on you, when you came home.’ But how many households today have two people bringing home that bacon and mostly only ONE person doing the cooking of that bacon and caring for children, meals, homework, laundry and chores inside the house? Can we all agree---there is a lot of bitterness/resentment going on within our hearts out there? This could explain why there are so many unhealthy people walking around.
“A merry heart has a continual feast!” God is saying to me and you it is time to do some thorough “temple” cleaning so that we can be healed body, mind, and soul. Are you up for the deep soul searching that will be requiring you to go back with Jesus to the hurts and side effects of sin in the past? Not just your sinful nature, but the sins of others that touched your life! Are you willing to be made whole and well as you go back with Jesus to be healed?
To further my desire to do so, the two songs at Mass today spurred me on. “I Want To Be a Child of the Light,” and “Precious Lord.” I was in tears and had trouble singing for I knew that if I stayed on the path of being a bitter and resentful person---I could lose my sight or most of it. What about you---are you willing to risk your health on stubborn pride that has hardened your heart and shut the doors tight to the past and what is found there?
These thoughts on the healing process are to be continued as my training in inner healing done at the Divine Mercy Prayer Center can help give you some clues as to what we bury deep and the behaviors that control us because of what lies in the dark. Trust me; what is buried deep is totally blocked out of our mind but NOT our life.
What is LOST must be FOUND so that Grace can lead us home.