Step 3—for Inner Healing. Where else should we go, after dying to self, but into the tomb?
When we were doing our inner healing classes, we were given a week, and Scriptures to reflect on concerning the needed healing of the week. One week we were told to enter into the tomb and sit with Jesus as He waited. I remember clearly two distinct mysterious ways that God set up to help me sit with Him in the tomb---and reveal to me why I needed to go there.
The first thing that God led me to do was to go to Confession and ask the priest if I could pray in tongues to allow the Holy Spirit to bring up what I really needed to confess. The priest was willing and we knelt before the Tabernacle in the Chapel. As I prayed in tongues---I felt deep presence of strong stern pressure on my body from within. (The Spirit will give us the moaning and groaning when we do not know how to pray.) I told Father---I do not know what is being revealed and God will show me soon and I will return to finish this confession. You can only imagine his surprise—when later I return greatly excited and happy to confess, well---what was found in the tomb.
What was found and confessed—came to the surface, when sitting on the couch one night in the quietness. No television was on; my husband laying with his head in my lap, trying to rest his back as I stroked his cheek and face. At the time, his face had a short beard and mustache. Doing as I was told, I was thinking about being in the tomb with Jesus—eyes closed when that LIGHT opens up my mind to the darkest truth hidden deep within in spirit.
“I HAD PUT JESUS THERE IN THAT TOMB!!” Not only by my sins that He died for ---but for the fact that many were the times in 25 years of marriage—“I had wished my husband dead and out of my life.” I had even day dreamed about how he might possibly die and envisioned his funeral. Wishing Bob dead was the same as wishing Jesus dead. Now you may think “HOW HORRIBLE OF YOU!” But perhaps you first need to think—“have I been guilty of this too?”
Oh, my friends---many spouses have done the same. We have called each other certain names and also told them to “Go to HELL!!” They have been jerks and jack asses—for they cussed and ranted and raved! Maybe they have thrown things, hit things or worse yet have hit the one they loved! When anyone is triggered and reminded of their wounded past pains---all of mankind is capable of great hate, anger and ACTIONS that stem from that deep seated anger and pain within. Each human has been beaten up and robbed of their dignity and left in the ditch ---waiting for someone to come with love and compassion—with understanding and help in the basic ways we can. We can choose to silently pray for Jesus to come into this being. We can be still, staying silent in the face of wounded roars. We must not return anger with anger or hate with hate. We must see the wounded Jesus within all we love or the stranger too.
I must go gently, carefully with what is said here for there are some spouses who need to have space between them until they get that much needed counseling-- if they agree to go to a Marriage Counselor. For there are some troubled marriages that may need more than counseling---the spouse may need medical help too, so a time of separation is needed, as they work finding out the root causes of erratic angry behavior. We went to a great Marriage Counselor for nine months, ending with a trip to Medjugore where our marriage vowels were renewed. That was in year 25 with GOD leading our marriage into “Wellness, by being open and honest and not staying in the marriage as it was.”
How to go into the tomb? Dark, quiet place with absolutely no distraction or noises needs to be found, and sit in that silence, envision the Presence of Jesus lying there next to you—and just wait. Take deep slow breaths, saying “Jesus” with each breath. You will find there what is in the darkest place in your soul or spirit. Remember for our sins and the sins of others Jesus died—and as your past memories surface and you feel the pain and hurt again, as you weep, as you may scream out anger—know the HE FELT EVERY MOMENT OF PAIN AND CRIED EVERY TEAR WITH YOU, helpless to stop what someone or yourself was doing. Perfect Love has to allow what happens in our lives because of the gift of freewill that allows us to be loved and to give love. Perfect love also casts out all fear—for God will by His Mercy and grace allow peace and understanding to flow into the area that still is raw when triggered as your life goes on.
The first two years of marriage was very disturbing as I would see the wounded side of my beloved. I would cry out “God what have You done to me? Change him like you did St. Paul!”
God said, “I will, He and I will first change you.”
I did not like that answer—for deeply wounded myself—I did not know anything was wrong with me.
Inner healing will take time and much needed time alone with God. Holy Hour in Adoration before our Lord is the best place to sit and be still and give God permission to, one layer at a time reveal what all needs to be healed in our emotional heart and spirit.
Do not be afraid to go into the tomb---the I Am is there waiting for you. His Mercy and Love is Everlasting –and His forgiveness too.