I don't want to be an apologist anymore.

I don't think anyone says when they are kids, "I want to grow up and be an apologist".  I certainly didn't.  I didn't want to be one at 18 years old.  I didn't want to be one at 21 years old.  I didn't want to ever be one. And I still don't.  However, when you date, are engaged to, and marry an anti-Catholic woman, you become an amateur apologist by default, or more specifically a Catholic Apologist.  

I have chronicled before, it was my wife's continued attacks on the Catholic Church early in our relationship that caused me to go seek out the answers to her questions and attacks.  In doing so, I fell in love with the Church I had turned my back on earlier in my life.  I was able to find good resources online to answer her questions and make good biblical defenses.  I found good books to teach me about the faith, which I carried into answering her questions and challenges.  My most beloved resource however was my local Cathoilc radio station.  I was able to listen to that many hours at a time and pick up on things and was able to form answers. But it wasn't all perfect either. I learned a lot about asking questions and asking the right questions.  I learned a lot about how to make a good delivery of a good answer. 

I learned that a bad answer is worse than no answer at all. 

The hardest lesson that I learned, which also took the longest for me to realize, was that apologetics isn't about winning arguments. It's easy to be caught up in that. Yes it's momentarily gratifying to win a debate or leave someone speechless with a zinger, but you can do yourself and your cause more damage. Apologetics is about defending one's position and giving someone something to think about. To plant a seed that only the Holy Spirit can cultivate and grow in a person's soul.

So no, don't get into apologetics to win arguments and make yoruself feel better.  

It's important to read and study the Bible to know apologetics. You know your Bible better than you think you do. You just don't know chapter and verse. That's ok. Here is a hint that I learned on my own.  Start simple. First know where your topic your defending is located, is it in the Old Testament or the New Testament?  Once you have that down, then at least know which book it's in. Once you have mastered that, then know at least what Book and Chapter...you see where I am going with this right?  Yes study the Bible for apologetics  But don't do it only for apologetics. When you do that you begin to lose sight of what is really important  Your own soul. You have to also read the Bible for yourself too. I read for prayer in the moring as part of my morning prayers, I read for study in the evening.  I do my prayerful reading in the morning before my kids get up when it's the most quiet. I study in the evening because they are awake most of the time, and sometimes they demand my attention and I'd rather give it to them at the sacrafice of study rather than of prayer. 

So remember to pray the Bible as much as study it.

While yes it's important to defend the truth, don't think you are the only person in the world that has to. You aren't going to change the world in the comments box on a blog or on Facebook or Twitter.  I'll tell you from experience.  As I gained confidence in both my apologetics and my writings, I started to get an arrogance to me that I could "change the world". I ended up "trolling" the comments boxes looking for an anti-Catholic/Christian comment and then begin a "defense". Yes, I could make a good case, that was reasonable, logical, and truthful, and charitable. Often in my debates in the comments box the person I was debating would end up judging my soul, condemning me to hell, and all sorts of less than charitable remarks, or they may do the classic, switch topics approach. I use to love that because I knew I was winning the argument...but was I winning their soul?  Was I doing something to help their soul?  Would they see my view on something like infant baptism if I was to call them a name?  Would they look at a resource I recomended if I called them a name or was 'snarky' to them?  Yes we can defend the faith in the comment box.

Just don't lose the war only to win a battle.  

Adding on to the previous paragraph about doing battle in the comments box, It's easy to spend every spare moment of the day looking at the comments, or making a reply.  You can end up spending countless hours a day doing this at the cost of precious family time or time in prayer.  It's something to be mindful of.

My grandpa always said you can lead a horse to water, you can pull his head under the water until he drowns, but you can't make him drink the water. Always know that your not going to win every argument.  You will probably win fewer argumetns than you lose or stalemate. Make your point and then let it go. Don't dwell on negative remarks. There will always be negative remarks and even some name calling.  

Your going to have to have some thick skin.  

So why do I not want to be an apologist anymore?  Because I never wanted to be one. God may have blessed me with a way of being an apologist. God has blessed me with a way to explain the faith to those without putting it over their heads.  God has blessed me with the gift of speaking.  I have a lot of traits of a good apologist, but it's distracting.  We all want to win that argument and be apart of saving a soul.  But for who's glory?  Your's or God's?  The longer I do this, the mroe I realize that I have been doing to for my glory rather than God's. And that's reason enough to stop. That doesn't mean that I won't defend the faith, but I just don't plan on fighting in the comments box anymore.  I am not going to look for a fight.  I have already stopped writing apologetics articles over a year ago. Because my soul, is more important that being right. Your soul is more important than me being right. I wanted to share this with you because I know there are some out there that are in apologetics for the wrong reasons or are doing it ill prepared. Don't try and control the Holy Spirit, but let the Holy Spirit work through you.