Being Versus Action: A Reflection
From the Desire to be Liked, Deliver Us, O Lord!
image provided by Lin Wilder
Becoming Catholic was the most precious gift I could have ever imagined. The spiritual search had been a long, and costly journey. Looking back, I realize it began the moment I announced that God did not exist at the age of eighteen. The Bible and all things religious were fantasy and hypocrisy. Therefore when the hunger for the Catholic Church became a living thing, my zeal for the faith had no boundaries.
I prayed the Litany of Humility, taught to me by the Legionnaires of Christ, with fervor:
Lord Jesus. Meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.
Twenty years later, my smile is a wry one as I am reminded about the hundreds of times these words were so passionately prayed. Fr. McTeigue’s article in Aleteia is a not so gentle reminder of what is far more important than the sales or the good or bad reviews of my novels. Involuntarily, a shudder courses through me as I read through the entire prayer. In particular those last lines:
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
A primary reason that I enjoy reading the works of Henry Nouwen is the raw honesty of his writing. At times, his frankness is shocking. His words shatter our illusions that the struggles of priests are different from ours, their battles superior to our banal ones of pride. After spending seven months at the Trappist Monastery of the Genesee, Nouwen declared that the monks had taught him the secret of holiness: To have just one desire - God.
But, he confessed, as a writer he wanted his books to be read. He wanted more than God, he yearned for fame.
Indeed.
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About the Author
Lin Wilder has a doctorate in Public Health from the UT Houston with a background in cardiopulmonary physiology, medical ethics, and hospital administration. During her thirty-plus years in academic health care administration, Lin authored numerous texts in these fields.
She began writing fiction only after leaving her Hospital Director position at UMASS Medical Center. Since then, Lin’s been the recipient of an extensive array of awards for her two series of novels. Her medical mystery series include: The Fragrance Shed By A Violet, Do You Solemnly Swear? A Price for Genius and Malthus Revisited and Plausible Liars. Plausible Liars was released in October 2023. Lin will return to her ancient novel series with One Smooth Stone- the story of the early life of King David.
Lin’s ancient novel series includes I, Claudia, and My Name is Saul. The third in that series, and her latest novel, The Reluctant Queen, took first place for historical and religious fiction in Feathered Quill’s Best Books of 2022. In addition, her memoir, Finding the Narrow Path, recounts her journey away from God and back again.
Lin lives in the Texas hill country with her husband and dogs.
Signed copies of her books can be purchased at linwilder.com. In addition, her weekly blog ranks in the top 100 Christian blogs and book review
