We Have Made Marriage in Our Own Image
Let me start by saying, I reject the term "Bridezilla." It isolates, insults, and altogether judges a woman who is preparing to receive the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony and preparing to give the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony to her future spouse. In no way, shape, or form does the term "Bridezilla" reflect a bride's calling to marriage. So may I personally request that those of us who know, love, and interact with the bride-to-be in her preparation, be the protectors of her dignity as a to-be-wed.
So how do we prevent the Bridezilla complex?
Firstly, the term "Bridezilla" is never completely the fault of the bride.
Whenever a bride ends up in the spotlight with all the decisions resting on her shoulders, with all the requirements of etiquette and tradition her responsibility, her value and worth as one who is called to a lifelong vocation becomes objectified.
In my 6 years of wedding ministry, I have seen brides placed in an isolated spotlight through the influence of magazines, etiquette, customs, expectations, family, and friends. I think there's a better way in which we can empower her and connect with her.
Secondly, everyone needs to chill out. For many reasons, family and friends feel a great amount of pressure to do exactly the right things and honor exactly the right customs without making any mistakes, in order to impress an imaginary audience that expects all of these details to be honored without offending anyone who could so easily be offended. Funny, I have yet to meet this imaginary audience. I don't think they exist.
Finally, a Bride of Christ is a woman who turns her attentions to one thing - Christ's call to join in unity with one very particular man to whom Christ has called her. If details, expectations, etiquette, and potential offending of third parties is constantly in the top of her mind, she is forced into an isolated pressure to perform (thus the term Bridezilla), and pulled away from the primary concern of growing in unity and communication with her spouse to be.
My hope is that the groom, the Pre-Cana priest or mentor couple, also the community of family and friends so excited for this pending marriage will draw the bride in and invite, allow, and encourage her to focus on her discernment and unity. One final note, I will add that, since the groom is an equal giver and recipient of the Sacrament, it is thus highly important to increase the dignity he feels in his contribution to all facets of the preparation for this vocation.
I conclude with a beautiful truth from the Church, "Therefore, the sacrament is celebrated and lived in the heart of the New Covenant... It is Christ, the Bridegroom in our midst who is the source of its energies. Therefore, Christian couples and families are neither isolated nor alone." ~Pontifical Council for the Family "Preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage"