What happened ---some may wonder?
Darkness entered into my world, for the third time in 4 years, symptoms returned that sent me once more to a round of Doctor's appointments. These symptoms also led me to stop working, as I never knew when I woke up what my day would bring health wise. Thus began a barage of negative thoughts and questions, anxiety and worry--the dark night of my soul.
It started with a job change, sewing and arm movement leading to left shoulder pain. This led to sleeping problems, as muscle quivering had me thinking heart fibrillation. Tests cleared the heart but while waiting for results, medicine was taken to help me sleep so I could work the next day. This created side effects that aggravated my tiredness and weakness. This led to ER visit and more Doctors. Feeling depressed, anxious and frustrated--- Doctor thought, maybe 'you need another medicine for your nerves.' This led to more side effects and irritability, and out bursts with husband. It was a tedious desert journey of not 40 days but 120 and counting. "What am I to do, Lord?"
"Pray, wait, trust and try to obey, and listen to what I say."
Praying had become a struggle and effort too. When you feel empty physically and emotionally---you encounter that 'dark night of the soul.' (Be patient with the elderly in your life--PLEASE! They know too well what I am speaking of.)
Prayer life was dry and iffy. Daily Bible reading was kept up but more 'routine' than desired. Mass however, and Communion always sent me home renewed--something the Holy Spirit continued to point out--so persist--no matter the struggle.
I was told all I was experiencing was NORMAL to feel at age 70! Hello--but hell no to the 'one' trying to plant that in my head!! Thanks but no thanks---and THANK YOU God for always bringing wisdom to my searching heart.
I was led by my nursing knowledge, and my Doctor confirmed: start taking Vitamin D and VItamin B12, this was one of the first positive steps back to being well. Water is the best medicine ever too, and unless told to limit your fluid intake---drink at least 8--8 ounces of water a day. (Doesn't hurt of add a drop of holy water in your glass.) KEEP on moving and grooving. Thank God for what is called a MP3 player loaded with all my favorite songs, that connects to headphones. The Holy Spirit inspired me to go dance in the moonlight and in the early dawn --bare feet, grass wet with dew---and all of God's creation everywhere to say----"I Am here!!" Yes, He was--and I never felt more alive!!
As I traveled this journey,---one thing I ALWAYS noticed was that when I did for others---I did not dwell on how I felt. God also helped me to to see the gifts given in the experiencing of the symptoms---especially Understanding and Compassion for others who were on the same path I was traveling. THERE is ALWAYS a REASON we are on the PATH before us or the CROSS we are asked to take up. We must trust, and seek the Wisdom needed 'why God is doing what He is doing.'
Before going to Mass this Sunday, feeling again totally washed out and dizzy, and weak by 9:00 am---I was wondering maybe I should stay home. Hello--again and hell to 'you' who is sending those thoughts!!! Like the ole cockroach who loves the dark before coming out---so does another 'cockroach' sneaks in when you focus on what is wrong and not look to the LIGHT for your answers. So, I went, praying for the return of the joy the day I gave my heart to God. "Give to me again that garment of gladness, and the Your full armor-oh, Lord." I prayed for His strength and renewed zeal ----I was given all at MASS as I entered into His Presence and the community of believers. A song, I had never heard before was sung---"Those who see Light, can walk in the darkness!" Totally a gift from God, very timely sent!
The Gospel spoke of healings, especially the woman hemorrhaging for 12 years which caught my attention. Father William's sermon, too, spoke of the need for grace, not will power; and the support of communtiy to set us free of afflictions. All were sent by God to bring me back into that joy I longed for. I had walked into church---barely walking, and so weak ---but as soon as God led me to focus on the music, listening to His word, and being in His Presence---all that was NEGATIVE left and was replaced with Peace, Joy and Love for God.
Then, as the words of the Eucharistic Prayer were sung-- "By Your Cross and Resurrection---we have been set free," revelation flowed into my spirit of how through our crosses we come to be set free of 'what is hemorrhaging us emotionally and spiritually."
"How," you say? Take up your cross with acceptance, appreciation and trust! See the connection that when we do this---we are set free of the NEGATIVE POWER that rejecting and disliking our crosses have over us.
That is why God tells us to REJOICE ALWAYS, IN ALL THINGS or CROSSES-- GIVE THANKS, AND PRAY WITHOUT CEASING FOR THIS IS HIS WILL FOR US. WHY, to set us FREE of the SIDE EFFECTS of sin and evil, of doubts and anxiety, of fear and anger!
Dear beloved, beware those wolves in sheep's clothing ---the world trying to bring you down with its solutions to what is normal and good for you. (Don't get me wrong--if you have a physical problem Doctors can fix ---then THANK GOD THEY CAN.) But if all that they can do is scratch their heads--then consider the fact that the spirit, body and mind are closely connected and like all the other saints before you --you could be experiencing oppression or efforts to discourage you. There is a spiritual battle being fought daily to stop you from serving God.
So do as the Divine Physician tells you and obey the prescription given. God has inspired others to write His WORDS that heal---Best Prescription Pad ever---is the BIBLE. "Just SPEAK the WORD and you shall be HEALED!" Jesus on the cross, leading by example--was reciting Psalm 22. "My God My God why have You abandoned Me?"
Seek and you will find, Ask and it will be given-----OH those wonderful Promises of God and don't forget---HIS WORD is that SWORD that keeps the power of evil at bay, and splits the darkness of the darkest night.
Peace be with you always as you continue your journey with Christ.