Many are the times that things go bump in the night, and the day, too, in our lives. We are ALL --all BEINGS, born in that beautiful state of innocence and a priceless gift sent from God. However, as we grow---many times--we will encounter the sins of mankind passed down. Tragically---our emotions and spirits are scarred -- and doors to our heart and spirit are closed tight as we want to bury deep that which was experienced.
In the article "A Dark Night," I spoke of how God was working in my life to bring about changes of attitudes and healing of this body. Today, the feast of St. Maria Goretti, another great miracle came into my life ---as His Light shown into the darkest of my being. Wisdom entered in and greater peace and joy flooded my soul as I finally understood the depth of how the past can still control actions and habits.
Part of my physical problems that is creating wear and tear on my body and bones is being at least 50 pounds overweight. Anyone else able to say Amen to that? Then continue to read carefully. As I started to feel physically better and stronger, I prayed all the harder for the grace to eat God's way--the Right Way to be completely healthy again. No use, everyday starts out great----then those desires for comfort and something to eat to stop the anxiety, the boredom, the frustration come and the search begins. We all have problems with those emotions that lead up to FOOD being put into our mouth. Or maybe it is not food, it could be alcohol, drugs, cigarettes or vapors, energy drinks---it doesn't matter ---it is called oral gratification that starts as a infant.
But there was another temptation my body was dealing with ---as all mankind does! Created by God's perfect design for the perpetuation of the species ---we were all given natural urges. For me, it was another 'thorn' that continued to bring pain at times. This thorn was also the root cause of my search for comfort.
When you as a child are exposed to the wrong use of that 'natural' urge by others ---then you might go to the oral gratification of sucking a thumb till age 12. This habit created more emotional abuse as teasing and bullying came from others who lacked understanding of why? This lack of understanding we all deal with---will lead to more insecurity and feeling unloved. Teachers, parents ---all not understanding---became a part of the shaming and correcting. Your need to be comforted and loved grew deeper---and you yourself did not understand why.
This article is getting too long but hopefully, you see the need to speak of this widely shared abuse. Rather it is physical, emotional, sexual and even spiritual abuse: you whole being is affected by the trauma of misuse of the body. Hopefully God's LIGHT Is coming into your darkest of nights. Let God into those places you need His healing love and understanding so you can be FINALLY set free of the control of those negative emotions that are destroying the beautiful temple of God you are. May His Peace be with you---as you open up, talk to a counselor or trusted friend, group therapy perhaps---or just write it down in your journal/diary between you and God. Most importantly PRAY for God to reveal and heal what needs to be 'touched' by HIS GRACE and HIS GRACE alone.
Last night, I was led to listen to this song over and over again. The Servant Song by Donna Marie McGargill OSM. I did not know it then but---this song and today's reading at Mass were all a part of God's mysterious ways to help lead me to this much needed healing of the inner child. Today's reading was from 1 Corinthians 6-19 Freed from sin, you have become slaves of righteousness. 19 "I am speaking in human terms because of the weakness of your nature. For just as you presented the parts of your bodies as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness for lawlessness, so now present them as slaves to righteousness for sanctification. "
Indeed I am speaking in human terms---but only because of how God uses all ---even our weakness to accomplish His Plan for our life. The sharing of our story--is the best way of bringing His LIGHT into the world. That is how we are gifted and WHY we must share the story of our crosses. I hope you understand why I felt that this insight must be shared. There are too many who have cried in the darkest of nights.