Into all of life, tragedy will come, everyone's life. None are exempt to pain and sorrow. By grace of God, I have walked through many storms and struggles---but the recent diagnosis of cancer in my son's neck; that took me on a new journey of sorrow and pain.
It is one thing for you to suffer and deal with illness---but another for your child. Oh he is not really a child--he is 50 years of age. Many parents actually stand by helplessly as their baby, their toddler or child become sick with cancer. You suffer as the child suffers and wish you can take it away. You also go on some guilt trips---wondering is this my fault in any way. Am I being punished for something I have done in the past? Mistakes I made, turning my back on God---and insisting on my way be done?
When my son was diagnosed---I first thought ---well God's gotta do what must be done to bring him back to the knowledge of just how much God loves him. For like most children as they grow--they go their prodigal way and wander far into a land of learning by experience--as they should. I don't blame any of my children for wandering from God--as because of my choices, events came into their lives that were very hurtful, even abusive. Anger, rejection, confusion, and turmoil passed down can do that. Like a slow growing cancer---from generation to generation---the behavior and teachings from the parents are experienced by the child and learned by the child.
So guilt invaded my spirit for awhile as I saw more and more his suffering and fight ongoing. So, seeking God as we always should do--I sat down to write and to vent and His sweet Spirit entered in-thank God-- as I wrote.
"I find myself like Mary facing her seven sorrows. But it seems I am facing seven times seven---oh a clue from You God. Forgive, forgive myself, forgive all--- seven times seven and remember ----all is a part of the cup we drink---the cross we carry. All a part of being gifted to help others in their time of sorrows. All parents struggle I am sure with 'why oh why' as they see the direction or choices their children make or the effects those wrong decisions have had on their lives. "Why, God, why?"
It isn't helping to be weakened by my bronchitis, coughing and asthma type attacks when I get stressed. Tired and weary I find my spirit lanquishing and sadness invading my days, Lord. Worse yet I have been avoiding drawing away with you --not wanting to face the decisions of the past that I made.
You know how the ole cockroach likes to throw negative lies your way. You faced it in Your walk on earth. Yes, and how did you handle his sneaky attacks. You went to the WORD from the Father. Leading by exampe you taught us how to handle his attacks.
And the cross, Jesus while on the cross and even before-- you submitted, remained quiet and still as You hung there. You quoted Scripture, prayed for others, ministered to others, forgave others---so we are to follow Your example. And most importantly, finally Jesus, You also let go and put all Your faith and trust in Your Father.
Which by the way was the messages from my books that You had me write down. "FAITH AND TRUST. Also from "Listen" was words about Christ being our Light--and sometimes we are allowed to be in the dark--to have us seek that Light. Then Your words oh Lord that were impressed into my mind. 'Radiate my Light to others--so they may see My Light in their darkness."
So it was, by writing, I walked by grace of God from the darkness into His Light. We all need each other in our darkest days---but we are no use to anyone if we do not first walk their walk. Mary was told by Simeon---
"(and you yourself a sword will pierce)* so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”
This is why we all suffer and have our share of sorrows---so that the thoughts of many hearts shall be revealed at the time when all need for someone to know their pain the most.
I am here for you---as you are here for me---let us pray for all those who are in torment and sorrow this day, everyday. 'Holy Mary, Mother of God---pray for us too, now and at the hour of our sorrow and death--Amen.'