Make Me a Modern Channel of Your Peace: A Satire Story

The Speaker of the House checks her cell phone. Dressed in a Chanel suit, tan lines visible against the white top accessorized with black pearls, she pushes on the phone and holds it up to her ear.

“Hello, Governor Cuomo. I'm going to get New York the money. Yes. I know, I know. We just passed a bill including money for overseas abortions. The prayer? Do you want me to share it with you? I wrote it especially for these trying times while “he who won't be named” is in the White House. Seeing we're both devout Catholics, especially when it involves spending the working class' money to take care of people entering the country in unorthodox and novel ways, I wrote it to guide us.”

Speaker Pelosi pulls the phone from her against her ear. She fishes her reading glasses from her purse, and puts them on.

“Hello? Are you still there?” she asks.

She pulls out a piece of paper from her jacket and reads:

“Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow policy, where there is an unplanned pregnancy, safe and legal abortion; where there are poor, free birth control; where there are teenagers, comprehensive sex education, where there are bigots, the Marriage Equality Act; where there is division, a 25-foot buffer zone.

Oh Divine Equal Partner, grant that I may not so much seek to console as to be consoled, to understand as to be understood; to love as to to be loved.

For it is in giving from the government's coffers that they receive, with relative truth, none need to be pardoned; and it is in assisted dying that the terminally ill are born into eternal life a little bit ahead of Your scheduled departure date. Amen.”

Speaker Pelosi pauses for a long moment and listens.

She adds, “Yes, Governor. I can send it right now. Well, of course you may frame it.”

The End.