A struggle continues within me and today the reading was about Cain struggling with his brother. Jealousy led him to kill, after he had been told by the Lord--
“Why are you so resentful and crestfallen. If you do well, you can hold up your head;
but if not, sin is a demon lurking at the door: his urge is toward you, yet you can be his master.”
Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let us go out in the field.” When they were in the field,
Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. Then the LORD asked Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”
He answered, “I do not know. Am I my brother’s keeper?”
In this reading, God gave me the needed answer for my own inner struggle with what I despise.
In our being is a continual struggle between the good and the bad, the ego, the super ego and the id. We try to kill off that which we hate within ---but that does not work. And when we try to deny or hide this part of our self---it only makes life worse for us.
Come before God and bring to Him your other self/your 'sibling' or your inner self and your past. This is all a part of who you are and why you do what you do.
Admit what is there, what is weakness, what is addiction, and your emotional struggle that has you resentful and crestfallen. What you carry within because of this presence in your being will effect your life and your choices. You are your 'brother's keeper' for you keep within what 'brothers or rather others' have done unto you. Including what your own other self has done. The past is not past or gone, unless you bring it into the present to let God resurrect you from its dark tomb. Like Cain too, our past mistakes will mark us for life ---unless--we are touched by God's healing grace and changed into a new being that is ABLE to live a new life in Him.
With understanding comes forgiveness and wisdom too. Come Holy Spirit and enlighten all the dark areas of our life. Please and thank you my Lord, my God.
Following this reading---the Psalm told us " Offer to God a sacrifice of praise." Another key to being set free of our struggle within. A thankful heart, and one full of praise for all God has done for us.